A Stoner’s Guide to Staying High for the Holidays

Omigod! Here they come again! The holi-daze. Every holiday provides a different reason to celebrate. Here’s our stoner's guide to enjoying them all.

Reason to Celebrate: Giving thanks for our bounty
True Meaning: Buuurrrrp!
Common Smoking Locale: Mom and dad’s basement, attic or garage.
What to be Nervous About: Grandma smells something funny.
Overall Smokability: Great, as long as you have lots of eyewash and breath mints!

Reason to Celebrate: Son of God's birthday
True Meaning: What did ya get me?
Common Smoking Locale: In your pajamas.
What to be Nervous About: Undercover Santa Claus
Overall Smokability: Ideal – especially if Santa stuffed your stocking with OG Kush!

Reason to Celebrate: Another year passes by.
True Meaning: Another year – you pass out.
Common Smoking Locale: Elbow-to-elbow with screaming drunks.
What to be Nervous About: Someone puking in your stash.
Overall Smokability: Poor. Pot and booze is a waste of pot.

Reason to Celebrate: A lighthearted wish for an early spring.
True Meaning: Local news has nothing to report.
Common Smoking Locale: In front of your TV. It’s freezing outside!
What to be Nervous About: Your TV breaking in the dead of winter.
Overall Smokability: TV, winter, pot and a warm sweetheart  – a perfect combination!

Reason to Celebrate: Love, love, love…
True Meaning: The possibility of mind-blowing, nonstop sex.
Common Smoking Locale: Wrapped in someone's arms — or legs!
What to be Nervous About: That nagging itch that just won't get away.
Overall Smokability: Everyone seeks ecstasy! Don't miss out!

Reason to Celebrate: Hail to the chiefs!
True Meaning: Hail to a a three-day weekend!
Common Smoking Locale: How far can you travel in three days?
What to be Nervous About: Whoever the next president is.
Overall Smokability: George said it best: “Sow it everywhere!” Get yourself historically high!

Reason to Celebrate: To commemorate our fallen heroes.
True Meaning: Stupidity of world leaders.
Common Smoking Locale: In traffic.
What to be Nervous About: The draft comes back.
Overall Smokability: Take a big hit and consider yourself lucky.

Reason to Celebrate: To celebrate our nation’s birth.
True Meaning: Big barbecues inflate our nation’s girth.
Smoking Locale: Outdoors, watching explosions in the sky.
What to be Nervous About: “That’s not a bottle rocket, it’s a bong!”
Overall Smokability: Fireworks! Need we say more?

Reason to Celebrate: To honor our nation’s work force.
True Meaning: “I gotta get a better job…”
Common Smoking Locale: In your own funk. Summer’s over.
What to be Nervous About: Your new job.
Overall Smokability: Always beware of the back-to-work piss test.

Reason to Celebrate: Night of the living dead.
True Meaning: To fuck with someone’s head.
Common Smoking Locale: A sweaty costume in full horror makeup.
What to be Nervous About: You give someone a heart attack. It’s manslaughter!
Overall Smokability: Be sure you’re not the one getting fucked with!

(Image Courtesy of Mariam "CannabisClub Barcelona" Green)

Shop Locally For Legal Cannabis

HIGH TIMES and Wikileaf are helping you find the best prices on pot!


From the Marketplace

View All