High Horoscopes | Mar. 22, 2016


The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!

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Often when I dream I find myself back in my childhood home, as if I hadn’t moved away decades ago. I think deep down we all have a place—whether it be a house, a park bench, schoolyard, or shack we camped by in the summer… somewhere that our psyche has a picture of with the word Home handwritten on the back. It’s usually from our childhood, but for some it is from a time when they feel their real life established itself. Meditate on that picture in your mind: there is solace to be found there for you now. Strain recommendation: Strawberry Cough


Sadness rarely comes upon you, but when it does, it sits on your chest like the weighty black dog of depression that it is—following you around, making you sleepy and hopeless. You rely on your creature comforts to distract the dog, but all the puppy treats in the world can’t fill the sad-sized hole in your chest. You will tend to bark quickly and for little cause. I mention this now because your usual joie de vivre is in danger of dampening this week, and while you are often very good at keeping your chin up, there’s a vulnerability to you that you need to protect. Strain recommendation: Sharksbreath


Sometimes the air feels like Jell-O, and it takes twice the usual energy to take a simple step. Other times the air is crisp and electric and we glide along with it, barely touching the ground. These ineffable sensations are rarely directly controlled by us, but by the strange universal powers of nature. This week however, you have a direct link to all the outside forces affecting you. You can manipulate and play with them as a cat does with a half-eaten mouse. With great power comes great fun. Enjoy! Strain recommendation: Ed Rosenthal Super Bud


There has been an unwitting ridding process happening in your life—a massive removal of an important symbol due to a loss or seismic shift to your world. What you feel about it won’t affect the outcome; what you hope or wish for won’t either. Regrets, despair, holding on are all part and parcel of the release, and you have been managing the process beautifully. All we, your friends and family, can do at this time is to respect the divesting you are doing, and help in whatever way we can. Just let us know what we can do to help you. Strain recommendation: Blue God


You have many branches to your colleague tree, so many collaborators and interested parties at your disposal. And currently your tree has been shaken, leaves are falling and new buds are forming. It’s unnerving and exciting, your plans are a mess and out of your control, and while you need a break from it all, you are also full of new ideas, which are impossible to ignore. Don’t be scared by this temporary career churn, even if the future is void of structure. Whatever the outcome, it is change, and change is good.  Strain recommendation: Cherry Pie


The softness you have cultivated during these difficult times when you have been bereft of security might not be the result you were hoping for, but it is most definitely going to enrich your life in a way that a swift financial gain could never achieve. It has been admirable how you have let this wave carry you where you need to be taken. Of course, you have a few classic Virgo days mixed in from time to time when you push against the current; try to hold back the ocean – the useless controller drowning in futility. But ultimately the new perspective you have wins out and the calmer, gentler you, who listens first, is revealed. Strain recommendation: Blue Cheese


So you think it’s been a big month so far? The important choices, the hours of travel, the tedious paper work, the money questions; these are critical times, absolutely. In no way do I wish to diminish this experience for you by what I am about to say to you, but you ain’t seen nothing yet, b-b-b-baby, no you ain’t seen nnnnnothing yet. A loved one has something big to lay down on you. It’s wonderful, and life-changing for them, and it will deeply affect you. So get those ducks in a row while you can, then get some sleep, eat well, exercise a bit and prepare for the marathon to begin. Strain recommendation: Sour Power


At this time, oh so many years ago, your mother was probably about 6 weeks pregnant. She was carrying a little 5mm long you, with eyes, and a mouth and a little fish body complete with tail. She didn’t know you would become the sparkling being that you are today, and you didn’t know either, because you knew nothing. A perfect blank slate: a being of pure simple action without emotional intention, hang-ups or hesitations. That little tadpole still resides within you and this is the week to invite the teeny you to a picnic, toast the new spring together and see the world through its little bobble eyes again for a while. Strain recommendation: Jah Kush


You have been a little out of touch recently, with the cosmos and your pals. What has been keeping you at bay? A wee bit of fear of the unknown, mixed with world-weary fatigue and genuine shyness? Or are you overloaded with responsibility?  Maybe you just need to drop out of life for a while, fall backwards into a blanket fort sinkhole and eat a chocolate bunny. Whatever the cause, you have been missed. There is a Sag-sized gap in the force and the universe wants you back. It’s sorry if it offended you somehow, and it wants to be friends again. Strain recommendation: Tutankhamon


A little step back is forgivable; please remember to have compassion for yourself. The huge strides you have made are admirable, and the surprise thrown at you recently is being dealt with quite well. So you reverted slightly, back to old bad patterns of thought that are not helpful to your progress, and you let some people down. Mostly, you fear that you have let yourself down, and that this stumble will lead to future breaks, leading you back to the weakened emotional/mental state you have overcome. You are not that person anymore. Every minute is new and the only repeatable moments are in your mind. Strain recommendation: King’s Bread


You are a great caregiver; a deep lover of those you have specifically allowed into your life. Even when they bark and bite and are frustrated by your silliness, you continue to take their needs on, with kindness and joy. So what do you need from them? Are you being served as well? Do you have needs that are unfulfilled? If so, you must give voice to them now, before too many habits form and your care is taken for granted. If not, and you feel you are properly appreciated and cared for, well then, carry on brave soldier! We need more of you out there to keep the cold nights warm. Strain recommendation: Citrix


As you may know, you are not simply a fish—you are two fish going in opposite directions. I often imagine you as a curious goldfish, jumping out of the water bowl for as long as you can, until the oxygen chokes you, and then submerging yourself until the safety boredom gets to you which makes you feel all leapy again. Never quite satisfied with the current state of affairs, even questioning the happiness you fought so hard to obtain. I wish for you a new tank that is so diverse with underwater flora and new tropical fish species you will never feel self-destructive again, and I also hope for a beautiful sand castle at the bottom that you can call your own, where you can feel safe when the waves get choppy. Strain recommendation: Chiesel