High Horoscopes | May 12, 2016


The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!

Ask Aelie anything! Find her on Facebook and Twitter.

ARIES

In science (according to the great hive brain Wikipedia), a physical constant is believed to be both universal in nature and constant in time. So it lives forever in a way. When a constant in your personal universe has shifted, the tectonic plates of your inner world will move reciprocally. It might be imperceptible or register a 9 on your Richter scale; either way it will affect you to the core. Please take everything you need from every resource available to you to sooth the transition. Be silent, rage, laugh or cry—allow everything. But know, once a constant existed, it always exists, even when it is no longer present. Strain recommendation: Agent Orange

TAURUS

That magical time that you have been waiting for: the week when everything lines up perfectly, when fortune smiles upon you, is here. This is not a test. It is time to put the plan into action. That plan that you have in your back pocket, the one that’s been burning a hole there since you realized that dreams are hard to achieve, is ready to see the sunlight once again. If you don’t have one ready to go then I would suggest spending a few nights burning the midnight oil in order to take advantage of the luck that you have left this week. Strain recommendation: Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies

GEMINI

The first time I saw one of those Magic Eye posters (the 3D images you can only see if you ‘un-stare’ in the right way) it was displayed prominently in the corner windows of a fancy high tech store near Boston’s Harvard Square. A hauntingly silent crowd of pedestrians stood still in the twilight, mesmerized by each image, desperately trying to ‘get it’. It was theatrical. Every once in a while someone would finally ‘see it’- a gasp would escape their lips, they’d laugh or exclaim victory, and the rest of the crowd’s energy would intensify in its determination or frustration. My question for you this week is: are you determined to achieve or are you distractingly frustrated by those who succeed too easily? Strain recommendation: Panama Red

CANCER

The way you process emotion is a marvelous and complex talent. You can hold many seemingly contrasting feelings in your atmosphere simultaneously, and most impressively, it doesn’t appear like a supernatural power when it’s coming from you. En lieu of advice or predictions for you this week, I will only offer the simple reminder that no other zodiac sign has this capacity quite like you, and while it may be massively frustrating to deal with the rest of us, please remember that we are but children at the knees of a master. Strain recommendation: Animal Cookies

LEO

When it is a billion degrees outside it’s hard to conjure up remembrances of your recently frozen winter body that yearned for the slightest ray of sunshine, isn’t it? And now, you are wearing the weight of a team of irresponsible assholes on your shoulders and you can’t fathom why you started this project in the first place. Let me remind you, because you LOVE it. Yes, it is a passion project, and yes, no one cares about it as much as you do—but that’s kind of the point, it’s YOUR passion. You will by definition be the one who cares about it the most. Have faith, it will be worth it in the end. Strain recommendation: Bubble Gum

VIRGO

In most good blues tunes is something that is often looked over, a smidgen of hope. Either it’s a single word or phrase, a lilt in a singer’s voice or an unexpected slide of a trombone. We tend not to extol this part of these songs because the blues identity appears antithetical to a rosy outlook on life. However, most of the classics have something hidden in there. It’s one of the reasons those ones appeal universally – most artwork that stands the test of time manages to capture something and it’s opposite in the same breath. Find some encouragement in this please, and embrace the little bit of light you can see through this week’s darkness. Strain recommendation: Lemon Kush

LIBRA

And with a great big sigh out you may now divest yourself of all the crap you have been toting around for the last few months, and not just figuratively, but literally as well. Dump out that massive bag, clean out the car, put out the recycling, give it to Goodwill and let it go. And it won’t look like a scene from Frozen when you do it, there won’t be swirls for wind lifting your soul in release. It will look like a dirty place that needs a-Swifferin’. Same for your insides.  Shove a good shammy in there and clean out those psychic messy bits. Everyone will thank you. Strain recommendation: Deadhead OG

SCORPIO

“Well that escalated quickly” – Ron Burgundy, Anchorman.

Indeed it did and you may still be reeling a bit, but I urge you to get back on the horse as soon as you can. The longer you ponder how intense that was, the harder it will be to get back to it. I remember being in a small car accident with my father years ago in a desert nature reserve in Africa. The bumps under the sandy road caused us to bounce right off the path and into a trench. More than one human predator inhabited the area; my dad instinctively knew that if he stopped the car to regain his calm it’d take him a while to get started again, which would not be the best choice in that particular location, so he just drove through until we managed to resurface. I was pissed he wouldn’t stop to let me catch my breath at the time but now I see his wisdom. Strain recommendation: Cannatonic

SAGITTARIUS

I’ve often found there is something slightly otherworldly about Sagittarians. Often one of you will pop up in my dreams. I’d stop short of calling you dream walkers, but I do find that the less you are aware of these innate abilities, the more sticky you are in my mind. From time to time I meet one of you who knows how supped up you can be, and sometimes you’ll wear the unique badge a bit too proudly. You are the most impressionable when you are just being simply you. You really ‘ARE’, you know? So, take that as a bit of encouragement and a bit of a word of caution, and forget how special you are for a while. Strain recommendation: Blue Cheese

CAPRICORN

Let your self be as you are. Take the down time your body says you need. It’s a difficult week, and you need to be as compassionate to yourself as possible. You may be facing a very hard decision, the kind that may have long lasting repercussions. Trust your instincts and don’t let guilt bury you in a mound of regret. You will get through this, just breathe and trust yourself. Hopefully the universe isn’t all out of miracles just yet. Strain recommendation: Skywalker

AQUARIUS

You are a rock, you are an island. Everyone comes to you with their problems, and they know they can trust you to keep their confidence. It is noble and strong to be the solid one in the storm. Well, this week you need to rely on them in return so why do you hesitate? They love you, they want to care for you as you do them. Is there shyness behind that immutable charm? Of all the hard times you’ve had, let now be the one where you reach out and ask for a shoulder. And then let every time after this be affected by what you discover. Strain recommendation: Durban Poison

PISCES

Be careful this week. Something is misaligned; your energy is tripping over itself and your feet are following suit. It may feel like the universe is getting a giggle from your Mr. Magoo antics but the truth is that you are doing it to yourself. Your personal laylines got crossed when your brain told your gut to shut up; now your heart is mad and your soul is holding its breath until everybody stops yelling. The solution? Laugh at the silliness you have created and learn from it for next time. Strain recommendation: Dark Side of the Moon