Stoner Sex: Domination, Skunky Junk, Work Flirting & Drunk Dates


Dear Hyapatia,
Sometimes I like it when my partner is a bit dominant. I like to be spanked and disciplined. My partner isn’t really into it that much. I try to be satisfied with regular sex, but the more I have just regular sex, the more I want to be dominated. Now, my partner wants to be the submissive one! I have never felt comfortable in the dominant role and just am faking being into it until I get my turn. Is there a way to explain to my partner I am just not into that? I tried getting high and having a heart to heart, but it didn’t go over very well. — Seth 

Dear Seth,
You said yourself that your partner isn’t really into being dominant. You aren’t either. Yet your partner is being dominant just to please you and is just faking being into it just like you. If your partner is willing to do that, perhaps you should too. It is not fair for your partner to do something they aren’t really enjoying that much and expect it to be like that all the time. Relationships are a give-and-take situation. You have to give, as well as take. It should be a 50-50 thing. Try taking turns. 

Dear Hyapatia,
My man works hard at growing the best weed I have ever had. I am very proud of him and what he does. We get along great, and I hope to be with him for a long time. Now that it is summer, he is working outside a lot. He does his inside work first, takes a break during the day to do other things that need doing, and then he does the outside work just as it is starting to get dark. He comes inside for a late dinner, and then we sit to watch TV and get high. It starts to get late, and we realize I have to get to bed for work in the morning and we go to bed. I love having sex with him, but he takes his showers in the morning and at the end of the day he smells. I don’t want to bring him down by telling him this, but it is getting hard to have sex. I can’t just come out and say it. I can’t hint at it even. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, and I am too embarrassed. — Shelly

Dear Shelly,
I understand it is a tough subject to talk about! Maybe you could suggest you take a shower together and make out in the shower. After several nights of that, maybe he will understand. If not, you could say something like, “I feel like I need a shower before I go to bed,” and your example might set the stage for him to follow. 

Dear Hyapatia,
I just went to a company picnic with my girlfriend, and I am a bit freaked. It was like everyone was coming on to her, and she was coming on to them. It makes me wonder what she does at work. They all seemed like they had some big secret to hide that I wasn’t in on. I wonder if she freaks out with these dudes she works with. I have never seen her act like that with my homies or anything. Now, I feel like I don’t even know her. Should I break up with her? — Jamal

Dear Jamal,
I would come right out and ask her what is up with her co-workers. How long has she been working there? Maybe she is just shy around your friends because she doesn’t know them well yet. Maybe this is how she always acts when she is comfortable with people. How does she act with her girlfriends? Is she as friendly to them as she is to her co-workers who are male? If so, she may just be the friendly type. But, she could also be the kind who likes to flirt or have relationships at work behind your back. I would investigate further if I were you before just writing her off.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girl likes to go out to clubs and drink. We go out to hear bands, and I really enjoy good live music. I also have a drink or two. But she gets very tipsy. More than tipsy, really. Sometimes she gets so drunk, I have to help her walk out. Once, we had to go back because she forgot her purse! We both enjoy a good blunt and some wax. I just don’t like how she drinks. I feel like I have to take care of her instead of being out having fun with her. You know what I mean? I really wish she would stop drinking so much.  How can I get her to drink less, smoke more? — Barry

Dear Barry,
It is a drag when you are out for a good time, and it feels like you have to take care of someone else. It takes away from the freedom to enjoy the event. I realize you like to go out to hear music, but staying home would be one way to keep her away from the booze. Maybe if you left the clubs sooner. I know you will miss some of the music and all, but the longer she is in that environment, the more she will drink. Seeing other people drink, and knowing waitresses are trying to sell more liquor, adds to the temptation. It is too bad there aren’t clubs where you can hear music and get high with no alcohol. I am sure there will be soon, at least in a few states. In the meantime, try to stay out of places where there is alcohol.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com
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