Stoner Sex: Intense Orgasms, Rude Behavior, Bisexual Questions & ‘Bottoming from the Top’

Dear Hyapatia,
Why is it that sex is so much better on weed? I have tried to go without, but I never enjoy it as much. Is that psychological? — Jose

Dear Jose,
Pot makes sex better, and it isn’t just the placebo effect. Cannabis makes our orgasms more intense and easier to achieve. It also helps with stamina. Couples who smoke pot together have better relationships because they are better at communicating. The calming effect of weed helps couples talk about tough subjects without getting angry or offended. This calming effect also contributes to making sex more enjoyable. In addition to all of that, pot is an aphrodisiac; it helps put you in the mood for sex. No wonder sex and pot have been used together since the beginning of time!

Dear Hyapatia,
I love my boyfriend and we have been together for several years, but we are going through a rough spot. He has been insensitive and rude to me and other people. I don’t know what is bothering him. He likes his job and seems happy there. I don’t know what to do to make him be a better person. I have tried to explain how people are getting hurt, and he just doesn’t care. He blames them for taking him the wrong way. Our sex life is great when I can forget about how he has treated me, but I don’t know how much longer I will be able to do that. How can I get the kind, loving man I fell in love with back? — Andrea

Dear Andrea,
We usually treat others the way we internally treat ourselves. People who are bitter and judgmental usually dislike themselves and so they take it out on everyone else. If he could learn to forgive himself and practice kindness in his internal dialog, he would be nicer to others. It is common for people to make a mistake and then say to themselves “That was stupid.” This is how we beat ourselves up and set the stage for treating others in the same way. If he can laugh off his mistakes and begin to not take everything so seriously, he will lighten up with everyone else. We cannot change others, only plant ideas in their mind about how they could find happiness and peace. Sex and pot are great stress reducers and will help him on that path until he can unconditionally love himself. Then he will be more forgiving of his own mistakes and loving towards himself, which in turn, will lead to his extending kindness to others. It couldn’t hurt to ask him if there is something bothering him when you have a quiet moment and are sufficiently stoned. There may be something going on in his life you didn’t realize.

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend and I were playing a sexy game where we asked each other questions about our sex life. One of the questions was “What is the wildest thing you have ever done?” My boyfriend said that he had a three-way once with his girlfriend and another guy. His girlfriend wanted to watch the guys have oral sex. I flipped out. I tried to be cool on the outside, but on the inside, I started to wonder if he was gay. I don’t usually think about it until we are in bed, and I start to wonder if he would be more attracted to me if I were a guy. Twice I have had to stop in the middle of things and take a few tokes to calm down and get back in the mood. Is he bisexual? Am I going to be enough to satisfy him? — Sandra

Dear Sandra,
Keep in mind the question was about the wildest sex he ever tried, not about what kind of sex he fantasized about or tried regularly. This may have been an experience he would rather never have again. Sit down, get high with him and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Ask him how he felt about doing it with a guy. He may suspect you want him to do it for you like his former girlfriend did. Make sure he knows that this is not the case, but it may be wise to not let on just how upsetting the news of his experience was to you. You don’t want to make him feel bad about something he may already regret. No one makes it through life without at least a few regrets, but we cannot change the past. Look on the bright side and admire him for being willing to try new things for his girlfriend. Having conversations like this is another way to be intimate and solidify a relationship. 

Dear Hyapatia,
I really like it when my lady takes control in bed. I want her to dominate and use me. There is nothing sexier to me than a woman in charge. I want to be her play thing. My girlfriend says she is uncomfortable in that role, but she tries and I appreciate her for doing it. What can I do to help her be more comfortable dominating me?  — George

Dear George,
You are doing what some call “bottoming from the top.” In other words, you are forcing your will to be dominated on your girlfriend. She is not comfortable with it, and instead of asking her what she prefers like a true submissive, you want to dominate her into taking control. In a healthy relationship, there is a give and take. You do what she wants, and she does what you want. You appear to be focused on having sex your way. Try giving in to her desires for a while and paying her back for going out of her comfort zone to please you, and then she may be more enthusiastic about dominating you. Resist the urge to piss her off in hopes that it will make her more likely to abuse you sexually. Most women will simply be too angry for sex and more likely to ignore you or simply leave altogether.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Threesomes, Faking It, Manscaping & Older Women


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