Stoner Sex: Masturbation, Embarrassing Breakouts, Kegel Exercises & Anal Sex


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Dear Hyapatia,
I have several boyfriends. I like to keep my options open. I am not ready to move in with someone or stay with one guy right now. Having sex has always been great fun for me, and I orgasm easily. But I like to masturbate better. I get off faster and harder. This didn’t use to bother me so much. But now I don’t even get off all the time unless I am high. I don’t want to be like that. Should I stop masturbating? — Cheryl 

Dear Cheryl,
No, don’t stop masturbating. Orgasms release oxytocin from the brain that helps reduce stress and releases hormones that are good for every organ in the body. Think about what it is that turns you on the most when you masturbate and bring that with you to bed with your boyfriend. Teach him to do what you do to get yourself off. It doesn’t matter if you orgasm from the clitoris or the g-spot. If you can’t get off during sex, but the clitoral stimulation y makes you cum, that’s okay. We don’t have to cum from the actual intercourse each and every time. But guys must know that it is their responsibility to make sure their lady gets off, one way or another. Most are really open to learning new ways to turn you on, no matter what it is.

Dear Hyapatia,
I have a very embarrassing problem. Every now and then, like when I am under lots of stress, I have a very painful breakout. It is on my private parts and my inner thigh. It is always in the same place and only on one side. I have been to several doctors, and they always do a culture to see if it is herpes and then they tell me it is not. It gets these blisters on the top that itch, burn and hurt deep all the time. Do you have any idea what this may be? — Michaella

Dear Michaella,
I am not a doctor, so I can’t give medical advice, but it could be shingles. Have you ever had the chicken pox? The chickenpox virus lies dormant in the nerves by the spine, but when activated they can cause shingles. It appears as a rash, with blisters, that itch and when scratched, burn and hurt. You can feel it deep under the skin in your nerves. It is re-occurring and usually only appears on one side of the body. Your doctor can test for this and give you anti-viral medication to shorten your outbreak and lessen the severity. Shingles usually shows itself around the trunk of the body, but it can cause a breakout on the head, neck, genitals or thighs. If this is not it, I would keep going to other doctors until you find one that can figure it out.

Dear Hyapatia,
I heard about Kegel exercises for women to strengthen their vagina muscles. Isn’t this basically just to make you tight so it will feel better for the guy? — Dominique

Dear Dominique,
There are many more benefits than that! The stronger your Kegel muscle is, the stronger your orgasm! That’s the most important one for me. When we have kids, it affects the Kegel muscle.  As we age, our bodies change and muscle become weaker. The uterus can actually move down further into the vagina. Strong Kegel muscles prevent this from happening. A weak muscle can allow a little pee to escape when we sneeze, cough or laugh hard.  And Kegels aren’t just for women! Men can reap the benefits of stronger orgasms, too! Practice stopping the flow of urine midstream to get an idea of what tightening the Kegel muscle feels like.

Dear Hyapatia,
My girlfriend says anal sex causes hemorrhoids. She says she won’t try anal sex because she doesn’t want hemorrhoids. Is that true? — Sammy

Dear Sammy,
It is not true that anal sex causes hemorrhoids. If you are gentle and be sure to use lots of lube, it can actually be a good preventative. Ellen Barnard, a sex educator/counselor, and co-founder of A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin says, “It improves the strength and flexibility of the skin and muscles so that the anus is better able to respond to pressure, rather than bulging and producing hemorrhoids.”

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Slut Shaming, Titty Fucking, Privacy & Hard Choices

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