Stoner Sex: Post-Sex Sleep, Careless Driving, Addiction & Pushiness

Dear Hyapatia,
I am very happy with my relationship with my boyfriend. I have no complaints. He takes care of me, in and out of bed, and I have a great time with him. He’s fun to be around and makes love like an expert. Sometimes he falls asleep right away after sex. That’s fine with m. He makes sure I come before he does. I let him lie there for a while on top of me. It feels nice to know he feels he can fall asleep on me. After a while though, he starts snoring – or I get tired of the weight, or I get tired of having his dick in me and I roll him off of me. It isn't hard; he’s light in weight. So why am I writing? I just was wondering why he does this. Is this very common? Have other women had their guys fall asleep after sex while still inside? I’m concerned that there might be something wrong with him, like the beginning of narcolepsy or something.  Am I just worrying about nothing?

Dear Atisha.
I’ve heard of this fairly frequently. Not all guys do it, but I personally have had it happen with a couple of different guys. I think it has to do with several things. In my situations, one of the guys had been drinking fairly heavily and I think that contributed to his passing out before pulling out. The second time was with a guy who had been working hard all day on a construction site. He was pretty tired and worn out from work before we even got started. Take it as a compliment that he feels that close and comfortable with you.

Dear Hyapatia,
We have this great van and we’re seeing the country and camping in the van. It’s awesome and I highly (pun intended) recommend it. My lady is cool as hell. She’s up for anything. I really appreciate her going with me on this trip of a lifetime. We started out in Colorado to get a good stash for our tour. Since then, we’ve been living the “high life.” I have only one concern. There are states that aren't so cool about smoking weed and we’re going through them. My lady gets stoned and forgets we have to be cool. She hits the pipe when there are other cars around and passes it high in the air so everyone else can see. I don't want to get pissy with her and ruin the mood, but I don't want to get busted either. I’ve mentioned this to her several times and she cools it for a while. Then she forgets and we’re back where we were before. How can I get her to remember this without being all shitty?

Dear Doug,
Your trip sounds great and like lots of fun. But don't ruin it by getting busted. Hurt feelings or not, the bottom line is stay safe! Okay, first thing in the morning, before the wake’n’bake, sit her down and tell her you have something on your mind that’s been bothering you and you’re very concerned about it. Tell her you have a bad feeling and you don't want your fears to come true. When you have her attention, tell her how you’re afraid you’re going to get busted in some podunk town in a redneck state and ruin, not only your trip, but the next several years of your life. Tell her that you don't think it’s a good idea to smoke while driving. If you do, it should only be on the highway far away from other people. Or park the van in a safe spot and smoke there. Hopefully, she’ll wake up and understand the potential danger. I know that many of you smoke while driving, but if you’re busted, it can be a world of trouble.

Dear Hyapatia,
I know you’re not supposed to be able to be addicted to weed, but I think my girlfriend is. When we’re having sex, she wants to stop to smoke a joint! I mean, we’re just changing positions or going from giving head to sex – and she wants to stop and smoke weed! I like getting high too, just like the next guy but, hey, in the middle of sex? WTF?

Dear Julian,
I'm with you, WTF? I’ve never heard of anyone doing that! There must be something else to it. Is she uncomfortable with sex? Ask her if you’ve done something that she didn't like when she reaches for the weed. It could be a stalling tactic, a way to help her through something that she may be uncomfortable with. I’d ask her if she’s ever had a bad sexual experience. Perhaps that would explain her behavior. She may even want to think about counseling. 

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend is kinda pushy in bed. He tells me what to do and which positions he wants to do and stuff. It has always bothered me a little. Now it’s pissing me off. I don't quite know how to make him not be like that.

Dear Mandy,
I always think that sitting down and talking is the best policy. Tell him that he doesn’t have to be so dominant in bed, that sometimes you’d like to choose the next position or do whatever. Explain that it’s a turnoff for you. You could also try getting him real high on some good indica and see if that calms him down a bit. Or tell him to you want to have sex and have him do nothing. Tell him you’ll do all the “work.” That may change his behavior in a very exciting way!


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