Stoner Sex: Slut Shaming, Titty Fucking, Privacy & Hard Choices


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Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend is a great guy in many ways, but we are running into some problems in the bedroom and I am tired of it. Whenever he is horny and wants to try something a little different, he expects me to be cool with it, and I usually am. But when I come up with something I want, he starts calling me a “wild slut” and other names. He clearly thinks these are cute and playful, but I find them offensive. Since I know he doesn’t mean any offense by it, I have let it slide and not said anything. Now I find I am holding back sexually because I don’t like this “slut shaming” game. Can you help me settle this, please? — Marlene

Dear Marlene,
I completely understand. Some people think saying such things can be a turn on and complimentary. I had a photographer who shot me for several men’s magazines that used to talk like that, calling me a “hot little whore” and the like. She thought it was a way to get her models in the mood. I suppose there are some women who do respond positively to this, but I also find it offensive. Women who have a normal sexual desire and active sex life are shamed enough in this patriarchal society. Denying women the right to be sexually active and still be considered dignified, intelligent and worthy of respect is one of the biggest abuses we women face as a whole. The recent display of a female Marine’s intimate photos on Facebook is but one recent example of how our sexuality is used against us. Stoners should know better! Get high with him and explain that you are having a problem with what he probably sees as very benign rhetoric. Let him know you understand he didn’t have any ill intentions, but that it really rubs you the wrong way. Give him some examples of what he could say that would get a much better response.

Dear Hyapatia,
I am a tit man. I love breasts and my wife has the most beautiful pair, especially now that she is nursing our newborn son. I can hardly keep my hands off of them. In the past, we have had an active sex life, and I understand that she needed some time off to recover. We have recently started having sex again and one of my favorite things to do is tit-fuck. I was really looking forward to that. Well, it turns out that she doesn’t want to do that anymore! Just when she is her fullest and most beautiful, she has decided she isn’t into it. I am heartbroken. Why has she had this sudden change of heart? Will she ever change her mind? Is there anything I can do to persuade her? — Randy

Dear Randy,
Your wife is going through a lot of changes physically and hormonally right now. What used to be your favorite sex toy is now your baby’s feeding system. This creates emotional confusion for us women. Give her time to settle into her role as a mother and get used to breastfeeding. She knows what you want sexually, and if she feels comfortable with it sometime in the future, I am sure she will let you know. Try to be patient and give her time to adjust. It would be really nice if you could get good and high with her while the baby is asleep and let her know you understand all the physical, hormonal and emotional changes she is going through right now, even if you really don’t fully. Just to know you are there for her would mean a lot right now and while she probably already knows, you can never say it enough.

Dear Hyapatia,
My boyfriend has lots of friends that hang out at our place all the time. I always wanted more privacy but lately it has gotten worse. I am starting to get jealous of the way some of these girls that hang out over here look at him. He grows weed, so we always have it and I think some of these weed whores would do anything for a joint. I have started to be more affectionate with him in front of these other girls to show them he is my man, but they still keep showing up with their brothers and saying they were just giving their friend a ride and shit. How can I get rid of all these people so I can have my man to myself? — Crystal

Dear Crystal,
I understand how frustrating it can be when you just want some private time but the door seems to always be open. This is often part of life with someone who always has weed. People naturally want to hang out to get high and buy what he has grown, but every store has a time when it is closed and none of them allow people to loiter for hours on end. It can be very hard for someone who is friends with his customers and truly enjoys their company to let them know he needs his privacy. He doesn’t want to offend them and that is understandable, but you have to be a priority in his life, too. Let him know how you feel and try to set some ground rules. Maybe you could decide on a certain time to close your home to visitors or a signal you could give him to let him know that you need people to leave.

Dear Hyapatia,
I have a very nice job with a large company that brings in good money. They want me to transfer to another state and are willing to pay for my move and give me a large bonus for going. My girlfriend and I have been together for four years. She doesn’t want to move out of the state because we have recreational pot here and while the new state has medical, they don’t have recreational pot legalized yet. I think I am really lucky to work for such a cool company and don’t want to find out what happens if I say no to the transfer. Is my girlfriend being ridiculous? Should I move without her? I really love her and don’t want this to be the end of our relationship. — Carl

Dear Carl,
Is the state you are moving to close enough that she could go back now and then for weed? Could either of you qualify for medical pot in the new state? People lived in states where weed was strictly forbidden for years and got high every day. I know because I was one of them. It can be done, especially in a state that allows weed for medical reasons. Don’t lose such a wonderful opportunity with a good company over your girlfriend’s weed habit! Put your heads together and come up with a solution that works for both of you. We pot smokers are very creative, and I am sure you can come up with a way, even if it means you have to live apart temporarily.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com
Last Week’s Stoner Sex: Anal Sex, Lingerie, Low Libidos & Dank Ways to Date

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