Stoner Sex: Tech Challenges, Cheating Assholes & Hard (Pun Intended) Questions


Dear Hyapatia,
My wife spends all her spare time on the computer. She doesn’t sit and get high with me while we watch TV like she used to. We never have a good conversation that isn’t interrupted by a ding on her computer which takes her away from me and back to that damn thing. She gets high while on the computer, and I am thinking about telling her I would really prefer she not smoke there. I want her to spend more time with me like we used to. What do you think? — Stan 

Dear Stan,
I think that is a fair request. If you are trying to tear her away from the computer, asking her to wait until she is off to smoke makes sense to me. That way, she will not be distracted by it when she should be enjoying a good bit of God’s medicine. And while getting high, hopefully, she will reconnect with you like you want.

Dear Hyapatia,
I am so mad right now I can’t see straight. My husband and the father of my baby girl has been cheating on me. This is not the first time I have caught him, but this time it is worse than ever. He has been taking the weed that we both grow at home and has been giving it to her! That is my medicine! I have horrible days without it, and I had been wondering why we were running out so soon. I am wanting to call it quits, but our baby girl needs a father, and I don’t want to take her away from him. I have thought about counseling, but how can I explain to a geeky counselor that my cannabis is life-saving? I am afraid we will be told to get off the stuff or lose our daughter. — Fed up Fanny

Dear Fanny,
Fuck him. No, not in bed, in the head. I would dump him. He can still be a father to his daughter; I just wouldn’t let him into my heart anymore, or my stash! It is obvious he does not have your best interest at heart, and what kind of a prick takes his wife’s medicine that she helped grow and gives it to his girlfriend? What an asshole! 

Dear Hyapatia,
My man can’t function very well in life when he is stoned. I am the opposite. It makes for a horrible combination. When one of us is coherent, the other isn’t. We take turns doing things like driving, depending on who is best able at the time. We both like to get high, and we wait until the evening to really cut loose so that we don’t have to be aware much. The problem is in bed. My man is much better in bed when he is straight, but that is rare. He gets lazy and spends his time on his back when he is stoned. I have tried to keep quiet about it, so as not to hurt his feelings, but I am pretty frustrated sexually. How can I get him to stay straight until after sex, while I get high? — Janice

Dear Janice,
That is a hard question. Pun intended. It is going to be difficult to get high while and make him wait until after sex without him getting upset about it. Maybe you should just come out and suggest it might be better for him to wait until afterwards to smoke. Hopefully, he will understand and be cool about it. Tell him you like sex better that way, but make sure he knows that it doesn’t have to be like that ALL the time. Maybe he would be up for sex once before he gets high, and once after. That is if you are into it.

Ask Hyapatia all of your questions regarding stoner sexuality. Email her at hya@hightimes.com
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