If you’re traveling, it’s good to know which modes of transportation are the most best for stoners.
ADVANTAGE: You get high and fit at the same time.
COMFORT: Except for the seat digging a new hole in your butt, you glide effortlessly.
GETTING HIGH: Hard to light a joint while gliding effortlessly, unless you’re a circus performer.
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: Hello, Mr. Asphalt!
OUR ADVICE: Light the joint – then ride.
COST: Moderately priced, but considering the discomfort, you should get paid for riding with them!
ADVANTAGE: Readily available to practically anywhere
COMFORT: Bus fumes, motion sickness, serial killers sitting next to you. Comfort?
GETTING HIGH: Smelly restrooms may mask your toking. But there’s the possibility you may pass out from the odor.
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: Passengers rat you out. You’re forced to toss your stash out the window.
OUR ADVICE: Vapor pens or one-hitters only!
COST: Depends on how far and how long you wanna party like a rock star.
ADVANTAGE: You’re a sudden VIP and the world is your oyster.
COMFORT: Get a limo with a hot tub. If the windows are tinted, get naked!
GETTING HIGH: Be sure to make the chauffeur your new best friend.
RISK FACTOR: Drive safely. Only the driver can ruin your party. Are you sure he’s cool?
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: You’ve gotten the chauffeur totally wasted. And you’re hopelessly lost!
OUR ADVICE: Don’t act like an asshole just because you’re in a limo. Be cool when you’re high!
MODE: Your own boat.
COST: You own a boat?
ADVANTAGE: Hard to get busted for smoking a joint on the open seas.
COMFORT: Supreme – unless you encounter a sequel to The Perfect Storm.
GETTING HIGH: You, the sky and the water. You feel like Kate Winslet in Titanic. Pure bliss!
RISK FACTOR: Just your sanity — if you forget a lighter.
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: A Coast Guard raid finds the 300 pounds you were smuggling.
OUR ADVICE: Smoke – don’t smuggle! Where you gonna run to?
MODE: Cruise Ship
COST: You decide. What’s it worth to be stranded for a week on a ship with no power and bathrooms that don’t work with 1,500 other passengers?
ADVANTAGE: Practically none. You can try toking up in your keyhole of a room. Security cameras and ship staff negate on-deck toking.
GETTING HIGH: Be discreet. If you do attempt to toke on deck, smoke at the stern so the smoke trails away with your ship’s wake.
RISK FACTOR: You forget which end of the ship is the stern.
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: Pirates. Or another Gulf War breaks out and your cruise ship is mistaken for an enemy battleship.
OUR ADVICE: Cruise ships have proved to be no carnival. Don’t tell us we didn’t warn you!
COST: Worth the price. Read on.
COMFORT: Just fine, if your engineer knows to slow down on curves or at stations! Otherwise, a smooth ride.
GETTING HIGH: Amtrak has these cool, ceiling restroom vents that absolutely suck up the smoke if you exhale directly into them in a controlled fashion.
RISK FACTOR: Lock that door!
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: Was that my stop?
OUR ADVICE: All aboard! Space out on the lovely scenery rolling by.
COST: Who can tell? Price is based on the whim of the industry.
GETTING HIGH: Vapor pens only. If you can get one on the plane, go for it! But little sips only!
RISK FACTOR: As high as it gets. The Feds seems to frown on toking in the air.
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: You’re led away in chains when the plane lands.
OUR ADVICE: Pop an edible before boarding.
MODE: Private Plane
COST: We bet you smoke only the best buds, right?
GETTING HIGH: This is the other Mile High Club that we wanna join!
RISK FACTOR: Your Dom Perignon spills on your Gucci sneakers.
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: The force of gravity makes itself known for a final time.
OUR ADVICE: Please invite us along.
COMFORT: As long as there are no potholes or monsoons, not too bad.
GETTING HIGH: Verboten!
RISK FACTOR: You’re in Singapore, you moron! Do you want life in prison?
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: Death by caning.
OUR ADVICE: You’re still asking for advice?
COST: Expect to pay over $100 for a quality board.
COMFORT: Depends on your skill level. Expect some collisions with pavement in the beginning.
GETTING HIGH: Not a problem. Actually it’s required.
RISK FACTOR: Everyone assumes you’re high or have got pot.
WORST-CASE SCENARIO: Cops often seem to lack empathy for skateboarders.
OUR ADVICE: Try not to mouth off to them – too much.