REVIEW: Jam On The River

By Benjy Eisen

At 21 years of age, Philadelphia’s annual Jam on the River is old enough to drink liquor. Which is good, because if there’s one message the event would like to leave you with, it is this: “Drink lots of Captain Morgan.” And while rum is still a great drink for beginners, the Bahamas, and beach parties (hey, I’d like to thank the Captain for introducing me to my girlfriend), when you come home from a music festival, it’s music and memories — not promotional koozies and keychains — that you want to stick with you.

And yet, didn’t I enthusiastically down those free samples of new Captain Morgan products? Didn’t I smile and shake the mascot’s hand as he walked through the crowd? Did I not enjoy being able to drink delicious rum on Philadelphia’s waterfront, on the banks of the Delaware River, with the Disco Biscuits and an order of fried Oreos? Of course I did. I just didn’t need it shoved down my face, that’s all (the marketing, not the liquor).

Yes, the corporate vibe was overpowering, which would be acceptable if the sponsorship dollars helped to make ticket prices more affordable without sacrificing the level of entertainment. But the ticket prices have skyrocketed even more than the marketing. The prices are disproportionate when compared to similar events across the nation. Tickets for Jam on the River this year were $40 per day, plus around $20 and $30 for the two official late-night shows. Even without the $15 parking fees, you’re paying about $130 to watch just a dozen bands. By contrast, for just $10 more, you can watch an impressive 130 bands this summer at Lollapalooza — including many of the acts from Jam on the River. And that’s a commercial event!

Jam on the River was created by the non-profit Penn’s Landing Corp., which was formed to produce events on this public property. Almost all of the concerts at Penn’s Landing’s Great Plaza are free to the public. Jam on the River — ahem, pardon — “Captain Morgan’s Jam on the River,” is an exception.

All of this was water under the bridge by the time the Benevento/Russo Duo took the stage on Saturday. It was a festive mood and despite technical problems with their equipment, the Duo performed an appreciatively sick set. As did the New Deal. But the Disco Biscuits — who own Philadelphia and have a long-standing tradition of dominating this event — unleashed the most amount of sonic fury on Saturday, aided by a particularly appetizing musical sandwich that consisted of “Caterpillar -> Run Like Hell -> The Great Abyss -> Caterpillar.”

If the Disco Biscuits ruled the river on Saturday, it was the Secret Machines who stole the show from under Ween’s whiskers on Sunday. Don’t stop the presses — Ween did deliver as promised. But the younger, lesser-known Secret Machines performed an early afternoon set that caught a lot of Captain Morgan drinking fans off guard. Devoid of their usual smoke-and-silhouettes light show, the band — tagged as “stoner rock” when really, it is just rock that sounds particularly good stoned — had to rely on music and persona to carry the set. Opening with “Alone, Jealous, and Stoned,” the band’s combination of electronic soundscapes, monstrous drums, and metallic guitar was a musical steamroller. The band launched into “The Road Leads Where It Led” with its fitting refrain of “Blowing all the other kids away!” and indeed, they did.

Earlier in the afternoon, under an appropriately New Orleans-worthy, midday sun, the Dirty Dozen Brass Band delivered an impressive set, filled with Dixieland jazz, NOLA swing, and perhaps the only shout-out to Memorial Day’s intended meaning (honoring American soldiers) throughout the entire Memorial Day weekend.

And then there was Ween. You could argue that Ween also honored American soldiers by delivering more than 20 American classics that simply could not happen without our constitutional First Amendment rights. Deliciously evil songs including “Waving My Dick In the Wind,” “Touch My Tooter,” and “Spinal Meningitis” all brought the hometown crowd to its feet.

While Jam on the River has become more shamelessly corporate than just about any other city-endorsed, public-property event of its kind (with a disproportionate cost-to-worth ratio) it still means one thing above all else — and it isn’t “Drink more Captain Morgan.” Jam on the River, like Memorial Day itself, means that summer has finally arrived. And, thankfully, you still can’t sponsor a season.

CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE JAM ON THE RIVER EVENT GALLERY