While a sadistic society of twisted Americans already subjected themselves to the savage and cutthroat holiday shopping season beginning on Black Friday, those of you with a naughty list full of stoners to buy for will likely just simply smoke up what’s left of our Thanksgiving stash and play Cannabis Claus on the Internet.
To help you get started, we at HIGH TIMES took the liberty to compile a list of a handful of marijuana related gift ideas that will undoubtedly make perfect stocking stuffers for any holiday stoner.
Pothead Savings Plan: In the spirit of a rice bowl donation box, now you can ensure your favorite stoner has a solid savings plan for weed that doesn’t come associated with account numbers and other pesky information that could tip off the authorities. The Blue Q Tin Bank is available at Amazon for $8.36.
Weed Yoga Pants: The only thing better than a woman wearing yoga pants, is a stoner girl wearing yoga pants. The Rasta Leaf Waist Yoga Pants can be found at Spencer’s for $24.99
Stoneware Pot Leaf Ice Cube Tray: Because what stoner wouldn’t think it was cool as shit to be to have pot leaf ice cubes? After all, cottonmouth can be a bitch! You can get your hands on the Stoneware Ice Cube Tray at Amazon for $9.79.
Pot Puzzle Fun Book: This is the perfect stocking stuffer for the stoner that enjoys word teasers, crossword puzzles, and other puzzles associated with weed. The Pot Puzzle Fun Book can be found at High Party for $5.46
Sex Pot -- The Marijuana Lover’s Guide to Getting It On: This gift is for the sexual stoner that finds pleasure in bongs and boners, pot and pussy, and all other things related to chiefing weed in between the sheets. Sex Pot – The Marijuana Lover’s Guide to Getting It On is available at Amazon in paperback for $11.96
Grow Your Own Weed: For the amateur horticulturist on your shopping list, the grow your own weed kit is a prosecution-free way to produce some holiday homegrown without fear of a police raid. Just add water or beer and the tiny pot leaf grows to over 600% in size. Although, we wouldn’t advise smoking it! Grow Your Own Weed is available at Amazon for $5.99
Pot Leaf Vehicle Decal: Give this to that rotten drug dealer that ripped you off on your last bag of weed and then had the nerve to hit on your girlfriend. Because as soon as that bastard puts this pot leaf decal on his vehicle, it will be magically transformed into a full-blown cop magnet and cause him a few inconveniences during his next traffic stop. The Pot Leaf Vehicle Decal can be found at Amazon for $1.68
Rolling Machine: If you are shopping for a beginner stoner this holiday season, you simply cannot go wrong with dropping a rolling machine in his stocking. Because not even Santa likes a loose joint! You can find a variety of rolling machines at Everyone Does It starting at $3.68
Cannalube Edible Pot Pasty: Give this gift to your stoner girlfriend and use it as an excuse to ditch the holiday parties and get your stoned boner waxed. The Cannalube Edible Pasty Set comes in Chocolate Brownie and can be found at Spencer’s for $5.99
Freelook Men’s Cannabis Watch: This watch may cost a little more money than the average person wants to spend on a stocking stuffer…or a stoner for that matter, but it will undoubtedly make his High Holiday happier. However, he may be slightly ticked off when he realizes that for the price of the watch, you could have bought him an ounce of weed instead. You can find the Cannabis Watch at Amazon for $150.00.
Ugly Christmas Marijuana Sweater: What stoner’s Ugly Christmas Sweater party would be complete without an ugly Christmas sweater decorated with marijuana leafs? Honestly, this would be an excellent gag gift for the practical joke toker to give to his grandmother, because nothing in hell could possibly stop her from wearing it…and in public, too. The Ugly Christmas Marijuana Sweater can be found at Amazon for $24.95
Marijuana Boy Shorts: The only thing more fun that watching your stoner girlfriend run around in these after she finds them in her stocking, is watching them hit the floor after you peel them off with your teeth. The Marijuana Boy Shorts can be found at Spencer’s for $4.99
Subscription to HIGH TIMES: Seriously, stuff your stoners stocking with the gift that keeps giving all year long – a subscription to HIGH TIMES magazine. You can order your subscription here.
Pot Leaf Ashtray: The Cannabis Claus philosophy is - if you buy a stoner a gift to that requires he smoke weed to enjoy it, there is a distinct possibility that he will spread the wealth. Glad you like the ashtray, Chris – let’s try it out! You can find the Pot Leaf Ashtray at Spencer’s for $6.99
Genuine 18K Gold Plated Weed Earrings: If you can’t afford the kind of green that your special stoner wants to find in his stocking on Christmas morning, get him the next best thing: cheap marijuana bling that will turn his skin green. You can find these at Amazon for $12.95
Visine Maximum Redness Relief: The colors green and red go together nicely during the holidays, as long as it isn’t associated with police noticing that your eyes are so red that you must be holding weed. So, help your stoner avoid a hassle with the cops by tossing a couple boxes of maximum strength eye drops in his stocking. You can find them at any pharmacy for between $5 and $8. It’s cheaper than bail!
Pot Leaf Earbuds: The sonic stoner on your holiday shopping list will certainly appreciate a set of pot leaf earbuds to use while zoning out to some of his favorite music to get high to. The Pot Leaf Earbuds are available at Spencer’s for $7.99
Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke (High-Larious Edition): Give your marijuana enthusiast the gift of laughter this holiday season by stuffing his stocking with the ultimate stoner comedy – Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke. You can find this DVD on Amazon for about $9.
Pot Leaf Zippo Lighter: All the die-hard stoner wants for the holidays is something as cool as this Zippo lighter to use to fire up a joint the size of baby Jesus on Christmas morning. Zippos are even customizable. You can find this at Hip Flask Plus for $26.99 or customize your own at Zippo.com
Hand Pipe: There is not a stoner alive that wouldn’t be happier than a cat eating shit to find a new hand pipe in their stocking this year. These pipes have their own unique personality, and most smokers even give them names based on criteria from how hard they hit to what they were doing when it came into their life. You can find a variety of hand pipes at GlassCity starting as low as $4.33
Mike Adams writes for Playboy's The Smoking Jacket, BroBible and Hustler Magazine. Follow him: @adamssoup; facebook.com/mikeadams73.