Story by Smokey
Photos by MG Imaging

You’ve toiled long and hard in the garden to grow some kick-ass smoke, and now you’re onto the next critical step. Remember, just because trimming kind bud is tedious and time-consuming doesn’t mean it has to be a drag. Just follow some simple guidelines to make this inevitable chore a time to remember.

First, call your trusted, hardworking pals who can keep up the momentum. Though it may seem like mindless work at times, those friends who possess a good work ethic and don’t complain about long hours will be your best asset. Try to have at least one neat freak on hand to keep things from getting too out of control, because that leaf is going to pile up fast. This isn’t a job for the stereotypical couch potato; you don’t want to employ people who’d rather be planted in front of the TV instead of powering it late into the night.

Clean up your sticky scissors and put some good tunes on the stereo to get into the groove. No slow jams (for obvious reasons), but nothing too hard and fast, either—you don’t want your trimmers to burn out too early. Some stoner rock or reggae will get the vibe going just right. And if there’s a TV blaring in the background, turn it off to prevent any distractions.

Be sure to have some quality munchies on hand and the fridge stocked with thirst quenchers (high-energy drinks), because those scissor-hash sessions will definitely bring on a mean case of the munchies. As far as beer or other booze drinks go, moderation is the key. There’s a fine line between functioning with a little beer buzz and holding up production because you’re drunk.

Hopefully everyone arrives on schedule because time is money. Don’t be cheap with your labor—a happy and efficient trimmer is an asset you can’t afford to lose. Either pay them a good wage ($20 per hour minimum) or reward them with a nice bag of dry goodies when it’s ready. Don’t give anyone wet product—this can be a major liability. Being high and stinking of a fresh harvest won’t go over very well with the police if someone happens to get stopped for a traffic violation.

Back at the trim party, be sure to have high-quality trimming tools that are comfortable to use. It may be a long session, and the last thing you want are blisters or the beginnings of carpal-tunnel syndrome to set in. There are all kinds of trimming devices on the market these days, from pricey automatic vacuum rippers to ergonomic handheld cutters. Spring-loaded pruning shears work great for the overall job, but for those hard-to-reach spots, ARS brand grape scissors are the best option. Everyone will develop their own cutting techniques, but trimmers who are fast and accurate will be on the most-wanted list next time around. Another good idea is to have some thin latex gloves on hand (available at most drugstores). These not only help prevent blisters, but keep you from getting resin all over your hands. If gooey hands aren’t your thing and you forget to wear gloves, vegetable oil works wonders in removing the sticky stuff.