Did the ancient Mayans know what they were talking about? Apparently, the end is near. In case you’ve been ignoring the hysteria, the world is ending December 21 at 7:11 AM (EST). In other words, the first day of winter will be less than a half-day long.
The Mayans came up with a 26,000-year calendar way back when they were building pyramids across Central America. And the last day of the calendar is a true Freaky Friday.
What’s going to happen? One theory suggests a galactic alignment that creates chaos on Earth because of the gravitational effect between the sun and a black hole called Sagittarius A*, which is located at the center of our galaxy.
Another theory suggests a “polar shift,” which means a reversal of the north and south magnetic poles.
Whatever happens, our motto is “Be Prepared.” We stole it from the Boy Scouts, but what are they gonna do, sue us? Hah!
Get through the final 10 days of the world in stoner style!
If you haven’t harvested yet, now would be a good time. Ten days of drying should make your buds good enough for an Apocalypse Smokeout.
Turns out you don’t have a garden. We suggest you go to your dealer and get as much pot as you possibly can on credit. Only get the high-end stuff! Tell him you’re good for it. If you live in a medical state, it’s time to max out your credit cards.
Honesty is still the best policy. Now that there are no more consequences, tell everyone you know that you smoke weed – your parents, your friends, your kids, your teachers – even your boss!
Now that you don’t have a job, you have plenty of time to perform the volunteer work you’re always telling everyone that you do. Think of something worth volunteering for over the next six days.
Call that sweetheart you should have hooked up with and dump whatever loser you’re with now.
Stop dieting. Break into that black-market stash of Twinkies you’ve been hording ever since they stopped making Twinkies.
Do your first dab. Now that you’ve tried one, do lots of dabs. Feel the magic!
All the dabs you did yesterday made you oversleep. You’ve wasted half the day and Armageddon is drawing closer. Oh well, back to the dabs.
Build a shrine to Shiva, Lord of Cannabis, on your front lawn. We know, we know – it’s a Hindu deity. But despite this being a Mayan prophecy, it’s a good idea to cover all of your bases.
Thank God It’s Friday! (Well – maybe.) No need to call in sick like you usually do. Your three-day weekend will feel like an eternity. Break out that fancy $800 piece that you swore you’d never use. Keep in mind that this is the last day of Christmas shopping – ever. But what do you care? Save your money – you may need it in the next life.