A Florida judge was stunned earlier last week by the bizarre name of a man appearing before his court on drug possession charges -- his name is Edward Cocaine.
Court records indicates that while the 34-year-old man is birth-branded with a handle that sounds as though it belongs to some cocky, Colombian kingpin, he was actually in court because the cops busted him with a handful of Xanax that did not belong to him.
As you can imagine, Judge John Hurley found himself doing a double take of the Broward County court docket last Wednesday, after calling Mr. Cocaine to the stand. Even after prosecutors confirmed that Cocaine was in fact the legal name printed on his driver’s license, Judge Hurley still felt compelled to ask the man how he managed to receive such a strange family name.
"My last name is Cocaine,” said the defendant, who then explained to the court that his grandparents had moved to America from Greece in the 1920s and decided to change their name to Cocaine.
Of course, the judge found humor in the man’s unusual moniker, asking him how many times police have asked him to step outside the vehicle after becoming aware that he is named after a Schedule II substance. “Just about every time I get pulled over,” Cocaine replied.
Before proceeding with the case, the judge took a moment to cut up with Cocaine about his near century-old genealogy. “You know, I'd thought I'd seen it all," said Judge Hurley. "I'm still trying to absorb this."
Cocaine told the judge that while he is not exactly sure why his grandparents chose that particular last name, he is certain they had no idea that it would be associated with illegal drugs.
“Or maybe your grandparents knew and just didn't tell anyone else, you know,” replied the judge.
Interestingly, this circumstance may be the only time an affiliation with an illegal drug has paid off in court. Judge Hurley went easy on Edward Cocaine, releasing him on his own recognizance.
Mike Adams writes for stoners and smut enthusiasts in HIGH TIMES, Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket and Hustler Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @adamssoup and on Facebook/mikeadams73.