Santa Claus, the Three Wise Men and even baby Jesus himself had better watch their yuletide ass this holiday season if they have any intention of spreading marijuana merriment across the stoner nation this Christmas.
Just ask 38-year-old Florida resident Randy Jesus Valdivia, who, earlier this week, found himself face down and in handcuffs along a stretch of Pennsylvania highway after a couple of scrooges from the state patrol busted him with nearly 20 pounds of boxed and gift-wrapped merry marijuana in the backseat of his 2014 Dodge Caravan.
The details of this stoner set up, poorly disguised as a routine traffic stop, are sketchy at best. A police report indicates that officers made the decision to pull Valdivia’s vehicle over along Interstate 80 in Marion Township after witnessing “criminal activity indicators,” which apparently warranted no further explanation in the officer’s statement.
Aside from a person displaying a blatant disregard for traffic laws or riding around waving a loaded pistol from the driver’s seat window, we have to admit to being somewhat confused as to exactly what the law considers a criminal activity indicator. Not surprisingly, law enforcement appears equally perplexed.
“There is a litany of things that we look for when we make a traffic stop,” said Ohio State Highway Patrol Leuitinant Anne R. Ralston in an article published in a 2011 edition of the Scioto Voice. “Extreme nervousness is one. Can they provide identification, do we believe they are providing false information. Sustained nervousness will pique our interest … It can mean a lot of different things, someone may have a warrant on them, the car may be stolen or they may be dealing in drugs.”
Yet, Pennsylvania State Police had already pegged Randy Jesus Valdivia as demonstrating indicators for criminal activity before even pulling him over. From where we come from, there is absolutely nothing criminal or even suspicious about an individual travelling in a 2014 minivan loaded with Christmas presents during the month of December.
We suspect that Valdivia is not a descendant of white bread America; is it possible that Pennsylvania cops are trained to consider Spanish heritage a “criminal indicator?"
After running a check on Valdivia’s license and registration, the police came up empty handed -- he was clean. Yet, before letting him go, officers asked him for permission to search his vehicle. Unfortunately, the man consented to the search, which led to officers ripping open the Christmas presents where they discovered 40 vacuum-sealed bricks of weed -- valued at $160,000.
HIGH TIMES Note: Do not ever allow the police to search your vehicle without forcing them to go through the painstaking process of obtaining a search warrant. You are not obligated to consent to any searches. We cannot stress this enough. Quit ratting yourselves out!
In the end, it appears as if Valdivia will be spending the high holidays in jail, as authorities have reportedly charged him with felony possession with intent to deliver.
Mike Adams writes for Playboy's The Smoking Jacket, BroBible and Hustler Magazine. Follow him: @adamssoup; facebook.com/mikeadams73.