Happy Summer! We’ve compiled a list of perfectly acceptable reasons for you to hit that blizzy and float up into the clouds with us.
Reason #1: Because it’s a beautiful, goddamn day.
The sun is shining, but it ain’t too sweltering, and you’ve got the day off. Might as well get blitzkrieged and then hit the beach, eh? Damn right. Because you can never take perfect weather for granted, it’s the perfect excuse for a wake-and-bake, following by an alfresco brunch (which could very mean a bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll while you’re walking down the street) and a day at the shore — with intermittent one-hitter breaks every hour on the hour.
Reason #2: Because the weather fucking sucks today.
Torrential downpours got you stuck inside? At least you’ve got the ideal excuse to roll up a doob, get lit, and sit on your Fuf chair, curled up by the window with your favorite Harry Potter book and a blanket. Blizzard keeping you from leaving your apartment for the next week? Give your fingers a break and use this handy joint-rolling device to prep for the next 72 hours and binge watch these stonerific movies on Netflix.
Reason #3: Because you’re hungry and can’t decide what to eat.
Can’t decide what to order for lunch on Seamless or Grubhub? Maybe the power of weed is all you need to be more decisive. Smoking a quick bowl is absolutely necessary during these times, as you’ll be able to zone in on what you really want to eat when the munchies kick in.
Reason #4: Because you just ate this big-ass _______, and now you want to relax.
Whether you just devoured an enormous stack of sliders or gobbled down a record-breaking bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, you’ll probably want to reward yourself with a stomach-settling sesh afterward. Crank the vaporizer up and load it full — you deserve it, Champ.
Reason #5: Because you broke up with your significant other.
When shit hits the fan and you and your partner take a trip to Splitsville, you’re going to need all the cheering up you can get. That’s why recommend getting high as fuck, preferably by huffing down some icy bong hits of euphoria-inducing sativa, mind-numbing indica, or a tasty blend, like Strawberry Cough or Trainwreck. It might even help put things into better perspective.
Reason #6: Because you’re hanging out with your S.O. and about to DO IT.
When booty calls, there’s no better time to accentuate the mood than by smoking a bowl in bed with your lover. Not only will it relax you and bring out your innermost sensuality, but it will also bring your lips together, as you can blow smoke back and forth to each other from one big initial hit. Not only will it conserve weed, it will also get you super high before you get it on.
Reason #7: Because you’re about to leave the house.
About to go on a mission outdoors? Better smoke a bowl or two first, especially if you have to deal with people. The outside world is much better dealt with under the influence of Mary Jane, especially when you’ve got a long commute ahead. Bringing a packed one-hitter along is probably a good idea, too, so you can re-high throughout your journey.
Reason #8: Because you’re terrified of leaving the house.
If the thought of passing through the threshold of your front door leaves you feeling petrified, put down the Xanax and pick up your favorite glass pipe instead. A fat bowl should do you right, calming your nerves and getting your head in the right place to face your fears.
Reason #9: Because you just got fired.
When the man gets you down, and then decides to kick you a few times and piss on you for good measure, there’s only one solution: pick yourself up, clean up, and then roll up the fattest joint you can afford and blaze it. (Unless, of course, you feel up to sharing.) Almost everyone gets laid off at one point in their lives, but that doesn’t change the fact that it sucks. Do yourself a favor and make it easier by indulging in a cathartic blunt burning cyph with the people who make you feel happiest, and then proceed to get your shit back on track.
Reason #10: Because you just got a raise!
On the flipside, when the man decides to reward your hardworking ass for being such a great sport to the system, you have every excuse in the world to roll up not just any blunt, but a godfather the width of your fist. A raise is arguably the best reason (aside from sex) to get elevated, so make sure you do it in style (read: iced up Rohr filled with Crystal, OG Kush ground into a hollowed out Dutchie, etc.).
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