We’ve come a long way from reefer madness and the evil “Marihuana.” The modern stoner is poised to take over the world.
Once stereotyped for our lack of work ethic, laziness and food devastation, the stoner has evolved into an high-functioning member of society. With marijuana being legalized and decriminalized left and right, more people have begun to enjoy sweet Mary Jane. From the elementary school teacher in Cali to the Wall Street broker in NYC, humans everywhere have made marijuana a part of daily life. And you know what? We seem to be doing just fine.
We’re no longer lazy, boring and hungry. Well, maybe a little hungry. As weed becomes increasingly socially acceptable, the high-ranking business stoners can work with the biology teachers to push the movement forward and make progress. It is not just up to them however. Even the little guys like you and me can make a difference by teaching people of the good marijuana can really do.
With our resources nationwide, the modern stoner is pushing forward. We are standing up to those who once shut us down. One day (soon) we will all blaze together under a federally legal law, and the world will see what stoners are truly capable of.
So, let’s debunk some myths:
1. Stoners have a five-word vocabulary
Today the modern stoner does not have a five-word vocabulary. We now go far beyond maann, duuuddee, braahh…
2. We are lazy
With the decriminalization of weed in more states, hardworking men and women of today’s society can enjoy a nice joint. And they do. Often.
3. We only wear tie-dye shirts
Nowadays stoners don’t just wear trippy shirts. Business-minded stoners have style that is sophisticated and professional.
4. 420 means lets smoke
Okay, we still get stoned at 4:20, but we now know that the number is a symbol of a movement that will one day legalize marijuana nationwide.
5. We’re friends with sketchy drug dealers
We used to be perceived as crazed lunatics looking for our next high, and we would get our “fix” from the sketchy guy with one eye in a shadowy alley somewhere. These days dispensaries and recreational smoke shops are selling weed in the full light of day.
6. We have poor posture
That kid sitting in the back of the class that looks like he’s been cut in half because he’s slouched so low is now sitting at the head of the class, fully erect, and paying full attention.
7. We are in a constant state of confusion
Stoners don’t just wander the streets staring at the sky and questioning the meaning of life anymore. Sure there’s a weird thought here and there, but now we know that just makes us smarter.
8. We don’t do shit, “because I got high”
The famous Afroman once stated “I was gonna go to class… but then I got high.” Well, that’s not the case anymore because stoners have a greater work ethic than non-stoners. You fucked up? It’s on you, man. Not the weed.
9. We are paranoid
With marijuana becoming legal across the country, stoners aren’t staring out the peephole looking for cops anymore. We can smoke safely (in many places) and not worry about who’s “out to get us.”
10. We are a slave to the munchies
Ok, so maybe the munchies are unbeatable, but there are worse things in the world, and that taco was fucking awesome.
11. We frequently dissolve into gigglefits
You’re still laughing at number six, aren’t you?