12 Signs of a Marijuana Newbie

“We’ve got a first timer over here!” Ahhh, the marijuana newbie: annoying! But if you sit close, it can be entertaining too.

1. They bum weed, then expect you to be the guide for the evening.

“I don’t have to pay for this right? I just want to try a little bit.”

2. They embarrassingly struggle to successfully light it up:

“Wait, when am I supposed to suck? Ha, suck. Okay seriously though, do it for me.”

3. The first hit: they sound like your great-grandmother having an asthma attack.

“You okay over there?

4. You’re now forced into the conversation you’ve had a million times.

“So this is what it tastes like. This tastes weird. Like salty grass.”

5. They’re thirsty.

“My tongue is so dry, I can’t even form sentences. Damn, that H2O sure looks good. Can I have some?”

6. They lose time.

“How long have we been sitting here? “The Walking Dead” is going to be on soon, right? No? It’s only been a half hour?

7. They’re hungry.

“I’m totally craving pizza right now. With ice cream.”

8. They’re tired.

“Dude, my eyelids are so heavy right now. Like whooooa.”

9. Everything is just soooo coooool.

“This music speaks to me.”

10. Like, really fucking cool.

“But those clouds speak to me more.”

11. Ooooo! Is a freakout a-comin’?

“What’s the meaning of life?”

12. Nah. Just another stoner in the making.

“Definitely pizza. And this nap I’m about to take.”

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