Right Now, thousands of college students are back in their dorm rooms and house shares across the country, ready to hit the books and expand their consciousnesses. That’s where we come in! Here are 12 stoner necessities to succeed in your quest for a higher education.
1. Weed Delivery Service
The first order of business when moving into your scholastic digs: Locate your delivery guy (or girl) and introduce yourself. Buy an ounce to get your relationship off on the right foot. Or get accepted to the University of Washington or U of Denver, and buy your weed legally. It’s a brave new world.
2. Cannabis Knowledge
Sometimes you’ll have to smoke whatever you can get, but don’t always be packing schwag. Upgrade to the good stuff. Learn the differences between an indica and a sativa. Twist up a fatty full of chronic before every party and you’ll be the most popular girl on campus.
3. Sound System
An amazing sound system is essential: The true mark of a weed lover lies not only in his love of Mary Jane, but in his ability to crank that shit to 11 and blow your mind. (Just don’t piss off the RA.)
What’s a dope sound system without great music? Pandora and Google Play are alright as soundtracks for a party, but the true stoner knows about burning one down and drifting away on a cloud of sound. May we suggest Dark Side of the Moon? Whippersnappers, you have to do it at least once.
5. Discreet Smoking
Hopefully, your roommate is cool. Even if your roommate is cool, you’ll still need to keep your weed smoking on the DL. Make a spoof out of dryer sheets and a toilet paper roll.
6. De-stinking Tactics
Nag Champa, Febreze, Ozium… Stoner forums are full of suggestions for de-stinking your space after you smoke. Sometimes they smell like ass. Open all the windows and turn the fan on, holmes.
7. Cool Things to Look At
Try cracking your calculus textbook. You’ve got to study sometime! Ok, if you’re not going to look at that, a lava lamp will add a groovy vibe to your dank den and they’re really fun to zone out on. Magic Eye posters are ok too, but they’re soooo 1991.
You got really high with your friends and now you’re all staring at each other. Things are awkward. Hey, that’s why you keep the High Times Stoner Activity Book in your bong closet! Mad Libs are good too. Worst case scenario, you can always play charades. Has anyone ever had fun playing charades though? Really?
9. Classic Movies
You played Weedoku and Stoner Says. You did another bong rip. And you finished that history paper, right? Now’s the perfect time to watch a stoner classic. Dazed and Confused, Half Baked, Pineapple Express… Avatar? We’re not judging you.
Must… eat… snacks. String cheese! Doritos! A pizza made of pizzas! Keep your cabinets stocked so you don’t have to leave once you’re baked. Running into your history professor when you’re high as fuck and you haven’t turned in your paper yet (DO YOUR HOMEWORK) can be embarrassing.
11. Iconic Posters
No dorm room is complete without an icon presiding over your smoking. Bob Marley watches over legions of potheads. Or you could go with a sexy Rihanna shot… hey, is that Miley? Like we said—we’re not judging you.
12. Black Light
You’ve got good weed, great music, and all the accouterments to make your dorm room a ganja haven. The final touch is a black light. Put up a black velvet tiger painting, throw on some polyester threads, and bring that old-school vibe back. Or get some glow sticks and put on some EDM. Now you’re cool.