420 Fantasy: Tera Patrick

The crowning of our 2008 ganja goddess—Tera Patrick.

THE SHOOT

“Am I late?” asks the voluptuous Tera Patrick as she peeks her head through the door of the “G” Suite. Yeah, I think to myself jokingly—about two years late! When I’d first met Tera here in Las Vegas back in 2006 at the AVN Adult Expo, she was totally psyched at the idea of posing for High Times. But since then, I’d found it nearly impossible to get her to commit. Then, last October, she attended the Stony Awards in Hollywood. There, on the green carpet, I got her to promise on camera to do a cover shoot for us. Now, four months later, I’d finally managed to lure her here to the top of the Fantasy Tower at the Palms with the promise of a pound or so of kind bud and the title of 2008 Ganja Goddess.

 

“Actually, you’re right on time,” I reply giddily, glancing over at the clock. “It’s 4:20.” Like so many other moments in my career at High Times, it was a teenage-stoner fantasy come true.

 

Believe it or not, this Thai-English bombshell started off life as an ugly duckling with some fantasies of her own.

 

“I was a nerdy bookworm,” Tera admits. “My younger sister was the pretty one, the cheerleader …. I was tall and lanky, with skinny legs and glasses.” But at the age of 13, Tera’s breasts emerged and all that changed. That was year she signed with the Ford Modeling Agency in New York and devoted herself to modeling.

 

“When I was a young girl, I used to sneak peeks at my dad’s Playboys, and I wanted to be just like the girls in those magazines. I wanted to see myself on those glossy pages and have men worship and adore me; I wanted all my fantasies to come true. That’s why I got into the adult industry—to live out my fantasies.”

 

She fulfilled the first of those fantasies when she posed for Playboy in 1999—her entrée into the world of adult entertainment. That was soon followed by layouts in Penthouse and Hustler, and by the end of the year she was ready to venture into film.

 

“The first movie I ever shot was an all-girl movie for Andrew Blake called Aroused,” Tera recalls fondly. “I wasn’t nervous at all—it felt really natural and comfortable. I loved every aspect of it, from the hair and makeup to the beautiful lingerie and locations. And, of course, I got to have sex with beautiful women, which is the most amazing thing in the world!”

 

No argument here.

 

Tera’s exotic look and incredible figure soon made her one of the most sought-after actresses in the industry. Since that first film, she’s starred in over 70 videos, including Tera Tera Tera, Reign of Tera, Teradise Island, and the groundbreaking interactive DVD InTERActive. Her performances have earned her five AVN awards, including the highly coveted Best New Starlet prize in 2001. So it was no surprise when AVN invited her here to Vegas this January to host their 2008 Awards.

 

“The AVN show is the one night a year that we’re all validated for our hard work as actors, actresses, producers and directors,” she says. “Hosting it was really an honor.”

 

The previous year, the show was hosted by porn icon (and former High Times cover girl) Jenna Jameson, who took the opportunity to announce her retirement—in effect making Tera the reigning queen of porn. But like Jenna, Tera isn’t content with limiting her career to just melodrama and money shots. In the past several years, she’s done interviews on numerous radio and talk shows, appeared in the Snoop Dogg flick Soul Plane, launched her own talent agency and film-production company (called Teravision), and even begun writing a book. Her latest entrepreneurial endeavor is Mistress Couture—a line of lingerie that she’s designed for the vintage-pinup clothing company Lucky-13 Apparel. She also holds the distinction of being the only woman ever to appear on the covers of Playboy and Penthouse simultaneously, and of being the first adult-film star to appear on the cover of FHM. Tera has graced the covers of numerous other magazines as well, including Hustler, Maxim, Easyriders and Bizarre. Today, she adds High Times to that list.

After a quick session with her stylist, Tera is raring to go. She sits down in the shiny green booth, and I spill out a pound or so of Omega Tony Montana–style on the table in front of her. Her eyes light up, and she lets out a coo of delight as she begins fondling the nugs. It’s extremely satisfying to see that I can get her so excited—even if I need a mountain of marijuana to do it.
The daughter of a Vietnam veteran turned hippie winemaker, Tera was raised in San Francisco and developed a love for cannabis at an early age.

“The first time I ever got high was when I was 13 years old. My dad was a hippie, and I found his stash in one of his camping backpacks in his closet. One day, when I was alone in the house, I took some out, put it in his pipe and smoked, and I was absolutely hooked from then on. It was an amazing feeling.”

Ever since, she has always considered herself a hardcore stoner.

“I love weed and what it represents. To me, weed is an amazing gift from our Creator. It’s a great way to relax and unwind, it’s medicinal [yes, she’s had a Cali medical card for a few years now], and it’s definitely an aphrodisiac. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had has been when I was high.”

Wait—does that mean that Tera gets high while shooting her movies? You betcha.

“I find that smoking a joint on-set before having sex relaxes me, helps me chill out. I don’t smoke with a lot of people—I prefer to smoke alone—but if there are other girls that come on-set that I’m meeting for the first time, I’ll usually offer them a joint. One time I was working with Hillary Scott, and I was kind of shy around her. I thought, ‘Well, maybe she doesn’t smoke, so I won’t offer her any.’  I snuck off to find a dressing room to smoke in, and there was Hillary hitting a pipe! It was awesome.”

So how does the stoner sex symbol of the century like to get her buzz on?

“When it comes to smoking, I have a little ritual,” Tera explains. “I keep all my weed in a Pink Panther tin, because I love the Pink Panther. I love bongs, but I also love flavored rolling papers—blueberry, strawberry … my favorite is coconut. I break up my weed on this thing I call my ‘pot plate’ and roll it up. You know who taught me how to roll a joint correctly? Sebastian Bach [singer of the hair-metal group Skid Row, and also a pot activist]. Before him, I rolled really sloppy joints. Evan used to laugh at me.”

Tera is referring to her husband, manager, photographer and frequent co-star, Evan Seinfeld, who’s shooting the photos today. Ironically, I knew Evan long before I’d ever dirtied a Kleenex to one of his wife’s movies. As a metalhead growing up in Brooklyn in the ’80s and ’90s, I’d spent countless weekends at the legendary rock club L’Amour slamming around in the mosh pit to Evan’s hardcore band Biohazard. In 1999, Seinfeld transitioned into television, becoming a regular character (Jaz Hoyt) on HBO’s gritty prison drama Oz. It was this role that brought him and Tera together.

“I was watching Oz one night and saw Evan flash across the screen naked,” Tera tells me. “I was so enamored of his anatomy that I called HBO and said, ‘I’m interested in one of your actors—I’m an adult-film star and I’d like to date him.’ They hung up on me,” she recalls with a laugh. “I think they thought I was a stalker or serial killer. So I asked around, and it turned out we had a mutual friend. She called him, told him who I was and gave him my number. And would you believe he waited a whole week to call me?” she gripes, feigning outrage. “We fell in love over the phone for about four months, then he flew out to LA after Oz wrapped to meet me. That was in September ’02—we got engaged in October, and got married at the AVN show in January 2003. We’ve been happily married ever since.”

Since their nuptials, Evan—performing under the stage name Spyder Jones—has been the only man she’s had sex with, on-screen or off. And people think I have a dream job!
Speaking of dream jobs, I ask Tera whether she’d be interested in being a celebrity judge at this year’s Cannabis Cup.

“That would be amazing!” she says. “Amsterdam is one of my favorite cities—I have friends who live there, so I go every summer. I love to hang out at the Bulldog and the Green House. In fact, the first time I ever saw High Times was when I was in Amsterdam.”

After about an hour of shooting, we decide to go for something a bit more risqué: a loose interpretation of Mena Suvari’s infamous bathtub scene in American Beauty—only instead of using rose petals in a tub, we decide to use buds on a bed. I pull closed the sliding wall that separates the main room from the bedroom and then head in. Tera disrobes and lies down on the bed, and I begin positioning the buds on and around her naked body.

Okay … so I guess my job isn’t all that bad.

Once the shooting wraps, Tera and her crew head out for some dinner, and I get busy preparing for the party.

THE PARTY

I was so impressed with the party that Spliffstar Threads threw the last time I was in town that I’d decided to partner with them for our Ganja Goddess party. It was Spliffstar proprietor Nick who booked us in the “G” Suite—a pimped-out space with a professional bar, pool table, and the aforementioned slide-away wall that reveals the bedroom’s show shower (complete with stripper pole) and Jacuzzi. He’d also arranged for three kegs of beer, a full bar, a case each of Bong vodka and Agwa coca-flavored liquor, and an appearance by the Kottonmouth Kweens—a group of SoCal smokesmodels affiliated with the Kottonmouth Kings.

Despite the $100 we had to charge to cover costs, it was still the hottest ticket in town: Word spread fast about the party, and within the first hour the room was packed with partiers. Among those in attendance were the folks from Holy Waters Glass (who also sponsored the event), Gravity Vortex and 420 Jars, and 2008 Doobie Award nominees Los Marijuanos and Pyrx. I also got to meet King of the Hill’s John Redcorn (the Native American guy that Mike Judge based the character on, and who provides the voice), and a young glassblower from Two Kings Glass named Justin who claimed to have driven all the way here from Pennsylvania just to present me with a gift: a glass bubbler with the words “High Times” inscribed on the side, and two tiny propellers inside the tube that spin when you hit it. Sick.

Tera returned around midnight—at the peak of the party—and her arrival caused quite a stir. I escorted her and Evan back to the VIP booth, where my girl and I joined them for a serious smoke session. After we were nice and baked, I brought Tera up to the front of the room, lowered the music, and officially introduced her as the new HIGH TIMES Ganja Goddess. The crowd, as expected, went wild.

“I’m so honored and excited to be the Ganja Goddess!” Tera announced. “I’ve been a stoner for the longest time, and this has been such an amazing experience. Thanks, Bobby, and thanks, High Times! Now let’s party!”

Meanwhile, in the adjoining room, the Kottonmouth Kweens had arrived and were preparing to make their big entrance. One buxom Kween by the name of Toni had a tuxedo jacket painted onto her bare breasts, while another—Aubrey—wore nothing but clusters of buds glued strategically to her naughty bits. The girls strode in carrying a six-foot-foor Sour bong, which their manager Hopper immediately enlisted me to christen.

“Bobby!” he yelled out. “Why don’t you come on down and get yourself a bong hit? Get treated like a king by the motherfuckin’ Kottonmouth Kweens!”

“If I empty this whole chamber, I’ll die,” I joked. But truth be told, that hit was the beginning of the end for me. After that, I recall doing a few shots of Agwa, dancing on the pool table, and bidding farewell to Tera and Evan—but beyond that, everything is a blur. Nick would later tell me that the party raged on until almost 6 a.m., but I wouldn’t know—around 3 o’clock, I closed the sliding wall one last time, grabbed a glass bowl and what was left of my stash, and followed my girlfriend into the hot tub. After all, it wouldn’t be much of a fantasy without a happy ending, now would it?

Much thanks to Spliffstar Threads, Holy Waters Glass, Zong, the Kottonmouth Kweens, Agwa, Bong Vodka, Two Kings Glass, the Palms Hotel, and most of all Tera and Evan. To see more of Tera, check out hightimes.com/2008ganjagoddess.