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7 Gifts for Professional Stoners



Even if you don’t work in an office for a large corporation, chances are you know someone who does — and they also happen to love puffing the ganj’ as much as you do. Clearly, there’s nothing wrong with being a toking professional, as there’s no better way to balance the drudgery of corporate life than with fat blunts and bong hits when you return home after a day of grinding it out in a cubicle (or wherever the hell you push paper).

It’s these suit-wearing suckers who we’ll focus on gifting today, since everyone knows that the holidays are the one time of year that these sorry SOBs actually look forward to.

1. Plant Manager Coffee Mug – $14

Because weed is a plant, and that’s funny if your homey actually manages, like, a factory plant. Get it? Trust us, this is awesome.

2. Toilet Golf – $11.19

Dude, it’s toilet golf! This is a no-brainer for the professional pooper in your life, and it’ll further solidify your buddy’s bathroom breaks as the best parts of the day at the office.

3. Head Massager – $6

After hours of slouching and simultaneously staring at a computer screen, your professional pal can probably benefit from a massage. This handy massager will allow for a little self-lovin’ on the scalp, which (I’m only guessing) promotes a healthy and active brain (which, unfortunately, your friend’s monotonous job probably does not).

4. Patriot Pen Vaporizer from Viva La Vape – $63.99

Professionals use pens all day to fill out tedious, boring paperwork at the office, so they’ll surely want to take weed breaks in the parking garage every chance they get. What better way to disguise the deed than with a toking mechanism that looks just like a tool they’d normally be using? If it seems like too big an investment for a friend, just buy one for yourself instead.

5. Marijuana Leaf Necktie – under $1

Male professionals the world over would essentially be empty vessels without their symbolic neckties. Well, maybe they’re still empty vessels, but at least their neckties round out the outfits they’re forced to wear to work every day. Here’s a tie they can wear on the day they decide to quit in style.

6. Space Case Metal Herb Grinder – $33 and up

Why a metal weed grinder for the pot-smoking professional, you ask? Because it doubles as a paperweight! But, of course.

7. Framed Weed Motivational Picture – $12 and up

The words on this photo might just motivate your friend to quit the monotonous paper chase. But still: you can’t help but smile at your own thoughtfulness in choosing such a beautiful present for your fellow pothead, even if he or she is a corporate dweeb.