This post is sponsored by Serious Monkey Bizzness.
If you are reading this, and drug tests do not already directly impact your employment, you are probably telling yourself, “I hope there is never a situation where I need this information.”
With a majority of states now allowing marijuana to be consumed legally, whether recreationally or medically, you might even think you are fine to test positive in a legal state, similarly to alcohol consumption. Federal law, however, still requires drug tests in jobs like transportation and aviation, and while federal laws are much more lax outside of ‘safety-first’ jobs, many private employers still choose to drug test employees.
Studies have shown that drug testing, particularly for marijuana, leads to an overall decrease in the number of qualified applicants for a job. This can lead to job gaps in states where weed is legal, but due to federal requirements on drug testing, the gaps—particularly in the transportation industry—generally go unfilled. Under potential Attorney General Jeff Sessions, these requirements are likely to get more stringent and could be soon headed to a job near you. Combined with companies’ slow corporate acceptance of marijuana usage in states where it is legal, no one is really safe from the job applicant drug test until marijuana is seen on the same federal level, legally, as alcohol.
While we wait for marijuana laws to mirror alcohol laws, there’s not a whole lot you can do if you are placed in an uncomfortable position. Whether that’s using weed for medicinal purposes on a long term basis, a sudden test that does not give you time to detox, or any other situation in between, losing out on a job because you smoke weed really, really sucks. And while yes, there is not a whole lot you can do, there are still options depending on the type of drug test you have to take.
Most non-governmental jobs will be content with simple urine test.
Assuming you are not in the military or at a high-level ‘safety-first’ job, you will just have to enter a room and urinate into a small cup. Depending on the complexity of the test, employers can look for levels of certain chemicals to see if an applicant is intentionally trying to fool it.
Thankfully for smokers who find themselves in a bind, companies like Serious Monkey Bizzness manufacture synthetic urine that is able to completely fool a drug test. The Monkey Flask, for example, comes with a heating pad to simulate the actual temperature of urine in a small flask that is easy to hide. The urine ensures a negative result for all drugs on the test, meaning you do not have to miss out on a great new job because of a smoking habit.
Just remember to work hard—do not make a bad name for the rest of us!