It brings me no pleasure to review Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. It brings me even less pleasure to report on a disappointing sativa. But being an adult who regularly smokes weed and then sees movies, I have an obligation to my craft. Onward.
Strawberry Cough sativa is about as close as one can get to smoking weed without any effect at all. This low-THC strain smells beautiful and indeed tastes like strawberries upon the eponymous cough. But after smoking a half-gram joint, I immediately rolled another. Because I was not high at all.
Barely registering the marijuana, I nestled into King Arthur, a wisp of a movie told in slate blues and fussy edits. A retelling of Arthur’s pulling of Excalibur and ascension to the throne, Richie’s take on the legendary king features all the director’s worst habits—overly verbose thugs, cheeky out-of-sequence storytelling, a calcified ’90s aesthetic favoring sumptuous slow-motion shots and actor-mounted camera selfies.
“Do we need Arthur’s younger years recounted in a montage scored by breakbeats?” I wrote 10 minutes into the film, the lightweight Strawberry Cough already evaporating. One of the chief virtues of getting blitzed before a blockbuster is that weed fills quality gaps of these CGI clusterfucks. With the weak high, my eyes started to wander from Charlie Hunnam’s blankly handsome mug to the back of the chairs.
By the midway point, King Arthur completely leaves the audience behind, delving into a series of disjointed action sequences with no build or consequence. Half-realized fantasy images—skyscraper elephants destroying castles, Arthur Neo-ing enemies with the magical Excalibur—shrug across the screen.
It’s rare to have definitely experienced something yet feel as if you experienced nothing. But like Strawberry Cough, skip King Arthur and your life will be exactly the same.
FBI Data Shows Cannabis Arrests are on the Rise for Second Year in a Row
Activists in Oregon Fight for the Public Consumption of Cannabis on 2019 Ballot
Thai Police Give Researchers 220 Pounds Of Seized Marijuana
Police in Massachusetts Make Super Troopers Reference After Recovering Two Pounds of Weed
Malaysian Court Sentences Man to Death for Distributing Free Cannabis Oil
Canadian Dispensary Clerk Fights off Three Burglars With a Giant Bong
Hot Pot Products: 4 Must-Haves for Cannabis Cultivators
Study Suggests CBD May Have Antipsychotic Effect in High-Risk Individuals
Guides7 days ago
What Do The Colors of Marijuana Mean?
Celebrities6 days ago
Kristen Bell Opens Up About Weekly Cannabis Use and Exploring Other Drugs
Strains5 days ago
9 Colorful Weed Strains To Brighten Your Day
News5 days ago
First Clinical Trial of MDMA Treatment for Autistic Adults Sees Success
News6 days ago
New Report Says Concentrates are the Fast Growing Favorite Among Consumers
News5 days ago
Study Finds Magic Mushrooms Could Aid in Smoking Cessation
Dispensaries5 days ago
First Medical Cannabis Dispensary Set to Open in Brooklyn By End of Year
Guides6 days ago
Top 10 Strains to Pair with a Rose Blunt