From the Archives: Secrets of the Alien Growers Revealed! (1988)

Trapped in an alien biosphere, Ed Hassle dared defy a Queen from Outer Space!
Alien
Artist recreation by Flick Ford, from a description by Ed Hassle

A famous writer from California was held hostage by an evil Queen from Outer Space who intended to keep him as a pet,” states Dr. Franz Berber, a leading San Francisco psychiatrist. The writer, Edward P. Hassle, managed to escape with the help of another alien.

Berber, a well-known hypnosis expert who specializes in treating the rich and famous, made this startling revelation at a recent regressive hypnosis conference held at the University of Illinois, in Urbana, Illinois.

“I know revealing this information is a violation of my doctor-patient relationship,” admits Berber, “but I feel it must be done in the interest of science and the future of the human race.”

According to statements made by the 42-year-old Hassle while in a trance, alien beings have been inhabiting remote sections of the planet and harvesting plant material from around the world. For some reason, the aliens seem particularly interested in marijuana.

“I have played copies of the sessions with Mr. Hassle to many leading experts in the UFO field, and all of them agreed that Mr. Hassle was abducted by an alien craft on October 16, 1986,” says Berber. “He disappeared for two weeks before mysteriously returning to his home with a case of temporary amnesia.”

What makes the disappearance even more suspicious was the fact Hassle was working on an article on UFO’s for HIGH TIMES magazine. After the editors rejected the article for lack of evidence, Hassle resigned from the magazine and began documenting his theory with photographs. It was at this time that he mysteriously disappeared. [See HIGH TIMES, Jan. ’87, page 14.]

“There have been many cases of people abducted by aliens, but this is the first time an alien has tried to hold a human being against their will for an extended period,” says John Holmstrom, executive editor of HIGH TIMES. “This case represents a new and potentially dangerous twist on the current rash of UFO sightings.”

Although Mr. Hassle was contacted at his home in Humboldt County, he refused to comment on the story. “Ed doesn’t want to talk right now,” explains his wife, Sunflower. “We’re still very concerned that the aliens might come back.”

According to an unpublished manuscript obtained by the Weakly World News, Hassle’s discoveries began after he noticed a decline in the potency of the marijuana plants in his backyard. At first this decline was attributed to the fact the plants had been cloned for several years; so, Hassle began growing from his original seed stock. However, the quality of the plants continued to decline.

Hassle put a 24-hour watch on the plants, and on the evening of September 2nd, 1986, he observed a small UFO hovering over his house. A long tube with a suction cup on the end appeared from the bottom of the craft. The craft descended until this tube was directly over his largest marijuana plant. The craft glowed momentarily, then took off at incredible speed, disappearing in an instant. Hassle contacted the police and wrote an account of the incident for HIGH TIMES. “Everyone laughed at him,” says Berber. “It was the beginning of a very traumatic time for Hassle. The police came and just confiscated his plants. He became obsessed by a story no one would publish.”

Hassle began visiting other marijuana growers in the area, and discovered everyone was experiencing a similar decline in potency. Armed with only a notebook and camera, he traveled from one grower to the next. Each night he kept vigil over a different patch of cannabis plants. Within a few weeks he photographed several alien crafts.

However, on the evening of October 16th, while Hassle was alone in a marijuana patch, he mysteriously disappeared. “Ed went to the patch, we saw some flashes of lightning—and he never came back,” Sunflower was quoted as saying at the time. Two weeks later, Hassle appeared in his own backyard, confused and disoriented. He had no knowledge of what had happened, and was plagued by insomnia and anxiety for several months. Finally, he sought treatment with Dr. Berber.

Who are these people?

Who are these strange aliens, and what are they doing on earth?

“They are star travelers from a different solar system,” explains Berber. “They are basically very rich tourists who have become bored with life on their own planets. They can remain on Earth as long as they don’t interfere with life here, but most of them spend their lives in constant space travel, since it’s the only way to stay perpetually young.”

There are actually two different alien civilizations visiting the planet, and they are in constant competition which each other. “They used to use the planet as a hunting ground,” says Berber, “but after they killed off all the dinosaurs, their governments signed an agreement not to disturb the planet any longer. It was at this time that cannabis was introduced to Earth in the hopes it would help pacify what had become a very violent planet.

According to reports published in a recent issue of The Alien Times, Hassle and the Alien Queen engaged in a “smoke-off.” For four hours, the Queen brought out dozens of different varieties of hashish, each time offering the pipe to Hassle after taking a hit herself. The hash was so strong Hassle could barely function, but he pretended to be unimpressed. “You must have something better than this,” he told the Queen. “This one tastes like Colombian dirtweed.”

“You’ve tasted better?” asked the incredulous Queen.

“Sure,” said Hassle. “I’m on my way to the HIGH TIMES harvest festival in Amsterdam next month. They’ve got much better dope than this.”

Eventually the Queen could smoke no more, and left on her anti-gravity couch.

“At that point, the little grey men surrounded Hassle and began patting him on the back,” says Berber. “Hassle became an instant hero. One of the grey men befriended him and eventually helped him escape.”

Humans are the result of breeding experiments conducted with several species of apes. The aliens are far superior to us in intelligence. “Consequently, they pay little attention to man and his minor ‘accomplishments.’ They’re mostly interested in harvesting the purest and finest resin droplets from the tops of the finest marijuana plants.”

And what about the little grey men? As usual, the truth is stranger than fiction: “They are the Queen’s offspring, test-tube grown and genetically altered to make them into servile creatures somewhere between man and dog. They spend their lives catering to the Queen’s every whim.”

In order to populate her kingdom the Queen has constant sexual intercourse, sometimes with other aliens, but mostly with human captives. The captives are always released soon after copulation.

Hassle was given a tour of the alien grow rooms before being released. While under hypnosis he told of “large vats of pure resin being produced by cell division.” Interestingly enough, this synthetic resin is not considered as good as the finest Humboldt sensimilla.

In the meantime, Hassle has not left his house since he returned. “Ed’s not looking for any publicity,” says Sunflower, “he’s just hoping this whole thing will blow over soon.”

Excerpted from The Mysterious Case of Ed Hassle, published by The Weakly World News.

High Times Magazine, April 1988

Read the full issue here.

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  1. I wish there could have been a parallel made with the $¢ientology $e¢t! With its begining also rooted in outer space, aliens, flying saucers, etc…

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