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High Horoscopes | Dec. 30, 2016

Aelie Câlin

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The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!

Ask Aelie anything! Find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Aries

2016 was a shitstorm, no doubt: the politics, the international economic and diplomatic crumbling, the widespread poverty and illness, natural disasters, deaths, the wars, displacements and destruction. Everyone has the right to complain, but you, my dear Aries, have had it very bad on a personal level as well. Instability has been your true constant, and the emotional toll is only starting to be reckoned with now that the calm is settling in. You have made a point to finally care for yourself recently, and this trend should continue into the next year. Once you regain your self-confidence after the assault that was 2016, you will remember that you are number one and you will act accordingly—finally shaking off the bastards and energy leeches. Strain recommendation: Berry White

Taurus

After tossing and turning all year, you have finally seen a path forward. This year you were restless and without purpose; mixed in intention, struggling between comfort/family and career/cause. You awoke this holiday season to a bright new thought, a crystallization of all these ponderings, which will take you into the new year with vim and vigor. Congratulations on your newfound clarity. Once you begin this venture, I suggest keeping a connection to what you left behind. Just because it’s not what you chose to focus on, doesn’t mean it deserves to be ignored. Strain recommendation: Skywalker

Gemini

A big change this year brought you to a new home; to a place that feels right. It’s unexpected and not where you thought you’d end up, but you are finally comfortable and it’s a positive step forward! You are at the end of a long cycle; a difficult time you spent trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole. Liberated now, you are free to make a new set of choices. Will you manage to create a different mindset to go with this improved lifestyle? Can you keep yourself from recreating your old problems? When you spend a lot of time nursing a wound, the emotional weight of it doesn’t always disappear once the injury has been healed. The same goes for energies focused in non-useful ways. Remember this as you forge ahead! Strain recommendation: Grapefruit

Cancer

Much of this past year has been spent sorting out all the fiddly bits of life, things that are annoying and worrisome and necessary to make the real world function in your favor. It’s amazing how draining these little life things can be; not just physically but the disconnection you can feel from your own needs and desires can sap the life out of you. This year coming begs of you to find the time, somehow, to treat yo’ self! Get your selfish crab on and go for sushi after a massage, buy an expensive and purposeless hat and indulge in a wasteful pastime that brings nothing but smiles to your face. Strain recommendation: Maui Wowie

Leo

While 2016 has been pretty traumatic for the world, you seem to have traversed it somewhat unscathed. You were supportive and kind to those who suffered, and for your sympathies you have gained even more loyal friends and an increased reputation as a trusted source of quiet strength. You even managed to squeak out a pretty great achievement around the end of the summer, despite the monster that was 2016. For these survival skills, the cosmos applaud you. So what will you do for your next trick? How will you top that in 2017? Especially when all of those well-dodged catastrophes last year do a second lap in 2017? Keep your fancy feet moving and that compassion flowing, and karma will be sure to remember your name when the time comes. Strain recommendation: Fucking Incredible

Virgo

Well, well, look at you Virgo. You really turned this crap ass year around by the end of it, didn’t you? Pretty impressive. I’d ask how you pulled that one off but you seem as baffled by it as anyone. You were in a rut and then suddenly you weren’t. Quite an achievement when so much of the world spent the year screaming from atop of the burning wreckage that was their civilized life. If you plan on continuing this upward trend next year, the cosmos suggest you figure out what the heck happened to click you into the prosperous groove. You need to get intimate with its dynamics because 2017 will be throwing some blocks your way, and you need to avoid them just like you did this year. Think of life as the ape in Donkey Kong, throwing barrels at you and this secret mental adjustment is the jump button. Next year is just level two. Strain recommendation: Green Crack

Libra

A great shift has come upon you this past year. The focus of your worries and energy has healed itself somewhat and now you are free to feel the pleasure that comes from family and friends. Not even you were aware how much you had imprisoned yourself until the gates swung open and you stepped into the sunshine for the first time in what felt like years. There are no more excuses. You tried to hunker down on a new source of concern, but what used to be automatic savior behavior for you has now been revealed to be the choice that it always was; and you have finally opted out. Well done. The coming year brings with it increased challenges and joy; the more you welcome and explore, the more you gain. It’s time to enjoy yourself; you’ve been given the cosmic permission to do so. Strain recommendation: Sour Diesal

Scorpio

While it felt like this year was made up of monkeys throwing feces at you, you may come to realize in retrospect that it was flowers, not poop, being flung and the monkeys were in fact giving you a standing ovation. Take a look back and really assess the damage you perceive 2016 did to you. Are those scars permanent, or just unsightly stage make-up? Is it possible you drama queened up your pain a bit, and now the audience is gone, you recognize that it was indeed an act that you got swept up in? It may be humbling to admit but you survived this Monkey year fairly well. I think you may have gotten carried away so that you could help others get through their shit by having you to empathize with. That is what fiction is for, is it not: to give us a mirror to explore our many facets in a safe environment? Don’t judge yourself too harshly for this, but also try to keep your theatrics contained to the stage next year. Strain recommendation: Purple Haze

Sagittarius

What a busy year you’ve had. A lot of travel and romance, plans and let downs. It’s been all over the map: literally and figuratively. And next year won’t be any calmer. The cosmos suggest you invest in a good travel insurance plan and some nice luggage: tie up the loose ends you have at home, move your stuff into storage and be the gypsy you have always known yourself to be! Don’t slow down on your plans, even if your feelings of being uprooted inclines you to keep all your balls in the air out of fear of them dropping in the wrong place. You’re juggling enough oranges at once to safely plant orange trees in a few different places and not lose your momentum. Strain recommendation: Lamb’s bread

Capricorn

Like most, you’ve spent a lot of 2016 with your jaw hung open from international news shock and have since employed the ostrich technique of burying your fearful thoughts in the sand. You know that you are dangerously close to losing faith in humanity and when that happens you will become crippled. 2017 will be a wake up year for you. More harshities and beautiful life affirming intense moments will come, and you will not be able to hide from them. No, next year you will hit them head on with a smile and a flower painted on your peace loving forehead! You shall overcome. It will be almost overwhelming, but you have learned how to navigate the savannah now, so have faith; the ostrich has become the lion. Strain recommendation: Alaskan Thunder Fuck

Aquarius

2016 was a moody year for you. You’ve had times like this before, but you were more solo back then so keeping it to yourself was easier. Now, you have loved ones surrounding you. This can be a wonderful comfort but also pressurizing because having a live studio audience constantly commenting on your every emotional shift can exasperate a situation. You used to sit in a bad rut for months until your life looked like a messy shadow of what it once was—then you’d finally have a hard talk with yourself and slowly get your shit back together. Now, you have daily complaint sessions with people who have no idea how to help. While talking it through is nice, and sometimes the advice is good, it stops you from hitting rock bottom, which is when you’d naturally pull up your own bootstraps. Your challenge this year is to learn how to conjointly raise yourself up and accept a helping hand. Strain recommendation: Royal Highness

Pisces

Money problems, break-ups and moving home; some of the most stressful things in life have happened to you this year. Your propensity to make quick emotional decisions has eased off and you’ve found yourself endlessly working over worries and what ifs in your mind, almost compulsively. Soon the clouds will begin to part. What will be left after the drama drifts away? Where will you find yourself standing, and who will be by your side? The cosmos seem to be as unsure as you are. It will come down to this, however, if you can learn from this year of pensive decision making how to adjust your impetuous nature towards a healthy balance of patience and passion, you may come through 2017 with a greater sense of soulful awareness than you could have ever imagined. Strain recommendation: Cherry Limeade

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