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High Horoscopes | Dec. 8, 2016

Aelie Câlin

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The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!

Ask Aelie anything! Find her on Facebook and Twitter.

ARIES

When the Joss Whedon TV series Firefly was cancelled early the fans went ape-shit cray-cray—some are still begging for a completion film some 13 years later. Set 500 years in the future after the universal civil wars, the show follows a ragtag team on a transport ship as they navigate their high-octane lives—pretty much Mad Max in space. This is your symbol this week because you too tend to hurtle through space at breakneck speeds, patching together your ship with whatever you can scrape together, and now you too have found yourself stopped, screeched to a halt and unceremoniously dropped. It is wrenching and painful, but sometimes things have to end abruptly to save us from slow deaths. Strain recommendation: Fuma Con Dios

TAURUS

Twin Peaks, a surreal series about an FBI agent who goes to the logging town of Twin Peaks to solve a murder, has burrowed its way in to most of its audiences’ subconscious. Not unusual for a David Lynch venture, but not commonplace for an early ’90s television show, which might be why it was cancelled so prematurely. You are on a spiritual twin peak walk this week; weaving through the many disparate characters within your soul to find the truth that lies deep in the darkened woods. I send you courage to face the frightening Bob within you, and send you a little log lady for comfort. Strain recommendation: Quick One

CANCER

Deadwood, part historical drama/part fiction, was a brilliant wild west HBO hit series that was cut short after only 3 remarkable seasons. The quality was high on all fronts leaving fans baffled by its cancellation, but I surmise it may have to do with the fact that it was positively drowning in obscenities and disturbing imagery. I reference this to you this week because while your week is also replete with upsetting themes and colorful language, it is one worth exploring to its fullest. So don’t sit this one out on the couch—hit every event you can and appreciate the horrors and wonders of life, beautifully crafted. Strain recommendation: The Teenone

GEMINI

Party Down! If you haven’t seen this stupid-funny take on wannabe actors and writers in LA, begrudgingly day-jobbing it as cater waiters, well, you’re missing out. This show was cancelled way too soon but luckily for us many of its stars went on to dominate in the comedy tv/film scene. You’ve also had more than one crappy job along the way, but now that you’ve figured life out a bit more you seem to have forgotten what it feels like to be at the bottom. Be careful not to think yourself too far removed from those grizzly days: climbing up takes longer than falling down and the precipice is closer than you think. Step gingerly this week. Strain recommendation: Apollo 11

LEO

Arrested Development was a hilarious TV show about a family of disgustingly wealthy and somewhat deplorable dysfunctionals who are badly managed by their sanest member. This show was taken from our world too early, but they tried to remedy that with a short makeup season some 7 years later. Sadly, the comeback didn’t quite live up to the previous seasons, for reasons that are somewhat unclear. Possibly because nothing could compare to the now-iconic previous episodes, or because you can never recapture magic once it has passed its natural time… something just wasn’t as it should be. Are you trying to revive something that should be laid to rest, or have your expectations ruined a perfectly good experience once again? Either way, you need to take a look at why you sometimes try to force fantasies into reality. Strain recommendation: Sweet and Sour Widow

VIRGO

Life on Mars was a quirky British TV series about a cop who, after experiencing a near-fatal car accident, time travels to the 1970s, only to become trapped there. Whether this is a part of a comatose delusion or actually his new reality continues to torment him as he lives out his life in the wrong decade. The series was cancelled before it should have been, and the US remake wasn’t comparable. The disappointment that comes when a creative venture never reaches its full potential is all over this show. You know this feeling intimately; you’ve been trying to manage your real life disillusionment all week. My only advice is to let it go and learn to maneuver expectation better in the future, or you may be doomed to relive the past, just like DCI Tyler. Strain recommendation: Qush

LIBRA

Pushing Daisies, a rare TV foray into magic realism, was sadly cancelled way before its time. It revolved around a gang who frequents a pie shop and helps their odd friend Ned, who has the power to revive the dead, to solve murders. How nice it would be to have a nice warm piece of pie after being restored from death! How gooey, and sweet and comforting it would feel on your previously dusty tongue. You are in need of a little pie this week, to warm up your cold bones and open that closed off heart. You’ve been in self-protection mode for so long you’ve forgotten how yummy excitement can taste. Wake up, sleepy one, and take a bite of something life-affirming. Strain recommendation: Super Critical

SCORPIO

Utopia: “After finding themselves in possession of an unreleased sequel to a cult graphic novel, a group of comic book fans start being hunted by a mysterious organization”. A pretty enticing description for an equally intense and captivating British series that was miles beyond anything I have ever seen on TV (especially in terms of violence, which is likely why it was cancelled). It is slated for a US remake but I honestly can’t imagine a way to improve upon the series. Why do we so often feel the need to put our personal stamp things? Is it not valid if it doesn’t look, sound or feel like we do? You are spraying all corners of your life with your stank in some desperate attempt to gain control through ownership, and it has to stop. Let what is different be separate and beautiful and weird and scary and all the rest. Stop trying to fix what’s not broken. Strain recommendation: Sunset Sherbet

SAGITARRIUS

Freaks and Geeks: High School misfits and nerds respectively group together to generally slack, hang and game. This cancelled-way-too-soon show marked the beginning of some huge celebrity careers including Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jason Segel and Linda Cardellini. You are similarly about to graduate your own misfittery into a successful career—however, instead of doing it by having a coming of age moment in someone’s 1970s rumpus room, you will achieve professional adulthood by allowing the last bit of your misfit identity to be less of a statement piece and more of an accent throw pillow. Strain recommendation: Strawberry Lemonade

CAPRICORN

Veronica Mars, as most of its admirers would scream, was cancelled too soon. The fans, dubbed Marshmallows, were so furious that they raised enough money on Kickstarter to fund a full-length film, reuniting the entire original cast, in order to complete the series. Wouldn’t it be sweet to have a group of followers raise money on your behalf so you could tie up your loose ends? Your to-do list is getting longer and no matter how much of a dent you make in it one day, the next you feel back at square one. Let me ask you, are you really working at your full potential or are you thinking about all the things you have to do so much that you are ultimately stretching out your tasks ten fold? Sometimes the idea of work is more tiring than the work itself. Keep this in mind the next time you play a game of solitaire as a ‘quick break’. Strain recommendation: Early Queen

AQUARIUS

Dead Like Me: a TV show about a sardonic chick with a heavy case of strained forbearance face who gets smushed by a meteorite and is subsequently offered a job as a grim reaper. She, and her crew of reaper colleagues, must guide the souls of the recently departed to their spiritual destination.  It was a great example of dark humor, wonderfully merging the worlds of untimely death and comedy. It was cancelled early; unlike the reaped souls on the show, its death was not destined but untimely ripped. Your fate is also in a misalignment this week; something’s off. Like your shadow went on a trip and never quite settled back into place properly upon return. The cosmos recommend a spiritual reboot. Take the time you need to bathe in salt, or meditate on a mountain top, sing a song in a grand echoing hall or dance in a puppy mosh pit; whatever it is that you do, do it fiercely and with true intention. Strain recommendation: Fire Grapes

PISCES

In the short-lived TV series Jericho, the United States suffers nuclear hits on 23 major cities, leaving the government in tatters: roving mobs form, conspiracies are revealed, and entire towns run amok. A kind of precursor to post-apocalyptic The Walking Dead (even sharing a pivotal cast member); it painted a vivid picture of life without laws, where people are measured by their bravery, compassion and loyalty. Audiences tend to like shows like this because they simultaneously explore the darkness of humanity while allowing us the comfort of hope. You are in need of a bit of hope this week. In these disturbing times it can be hard to retain some feeling of connection and care for humanity. Take a cue from that scrappy band of freedom fighters led by Skeet Ulrich (of course): principles are worth fighting for, and good people still exist. Strain recommendation: Durban Dream

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