High Horoscopes | February 2017

Now monthly: The High Times astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!

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ARIES

White is the color of raw cotton, the hair of our grandparents, soft kittens that bounce on toilet paper and Casper the ghost. It is crisp linens, a flag of surrender, racist pointy hats and robes, clouds, and snow. It is the absence of color and yet it contains all colors. It is heavy with implications in society, politics, mythology, psychology and art. It is lighter than air. White is complex, as are you. There is no way through this month without blinding yourself in the bright light of revelation. A woke moment is upon you. Keep a grip on yourself during this time or the white you see could be from the padded cells of a hopefully symbolic sanatorium. Strain recommendation: Green Crack

TAURUS

Brown is the color of hair, eyes, skin, fur, and Mother Earth. It is natural things like tree bark and poop. So much of our living world is brown. It is comforting, organic and wholesome. It is real. It is your color this month. You are incapable of fakeness right now.  You are so you: all over the place, all over your face, inescapably you. Some like it; some don’t. No matter: keep your chin up and get on with the business of doing you, to-the-max. And there is a lot to do. People need telling off, others need inspiring. You’ve been procrastinating but now’s the time to make your mark. You will be heard, believe me. Strain recommendation: Super Blue Dream

GEMINI

Pink is the color of little animal noses, party dresses, cotton candy, some people’s lips, genitalia and skin, a rare steak, a monkey’s butt, a flower. It is sensitive and raw, much like you are this month. Careful not to upset the pinkness of you, your friends and family are walking on eggshells. You are not the strong pink of the women’s march knitted pussy hat: you are the easily offended and hurt by everything light pink of a scraped knee. I send many pink candy hearts your way in hopes that some compassion will ease the sting of this month, but I also offer you a pink ribbon to remind you that many have it much harder than you right now. Strain recommendation: White Rhino

CANCER

Black is the color of hair, of fur, of skin and the night. It is the stuff of myths. It’s powerful and clean, containing all and consuming everything. Like white, it can represent almost anything to anyone, from mourning to fashion, from outer space to the sacred place behind our closed eyes. It holds all colors and is the absolute absence of it. It is taken seriously. You wear the color black on your soul this month. You are everything and nothing. You are the ALL. Rarely are you more capable of achieving what you desire. You have the strength and gravitas to make big things happen. Pick your direction, and GO, GO, GO. Strain recommendation: Tangerine Haze

LEO

Yellow is more than the color of Donovan’s true love’s hair. It is the sun, the moon, the stars and cake. It’s Big Bird and buttercups, jaundice and pee. Most yellow things are as frivolous and carefree as a Tweety Pie eating a banana. Your yellow month has arrived, and I encourage you to make the most of it. Be silly. Speak in nothing more than dad jokes and limericks. Give no fucks. Everything must slide like water off a rubber ducky’s back. You will be forgiven for peeing in the pool because you can’t help it: the cosmos have nothing serious planned for you at all. If something heavy does come down on you, put on your yellow rain coat and take it with a spoonful of golden honey. Strain recommendation: Honey Bananas

VIRGO

Green: nature abounds with vibrant shades of it. Verdant fresh cut grass: that is your smell this month. Spring forward, fresh and awake to all possibility. A brand new mindset is upon you, clean and unjaded. Beware however, green is also the color of gangrene, rot and infection. Keep your health up, take your vitamins and charge forth with the vivacity of a zesty lime. It’s no fun to be that person who refuses to shake hands in cold season, but you’ll have to take the social hit to secure your wellbeing. There is so much to do and this young frog needs to jump! Strain recommendation: Red Headed Stranger

LIBRA

Orange rhymes with nothing and not many things are naturally orange beyond the namesake fruit, pumpkins, some flowers and birds, and those rare freckly-faced beauties. It is a special color because it is somewhat scarce while also being the color of an element central to our survival as a species: Fire. You have an orange aura about you this month. We are, in fact, at the start of the Chinese year of the Rooster; being similarly hued might not be a bad thing. But what does Orange mean to you? Whatever part of you that is absolutely unique is the orange bit, and that’s what’s shining right now. Nurture it, love it, and revel in it.  Be proud to be a ginger! Strain recommendation: Super Silver Haze

SCORPIO

Purple will always be associated with Prince. He, of course, chose it to underscore his Princely name, as it is traditionally the color of the monarchy. I’ve also heard it described as the color of mental instability, dreams, sensuality and pain.  It is somewhat rare in nature though prevalent in objects meant to resemble desirable things: like flavored juice, candies, paintings of sunsets, semi-precious jewels (with the exception of the rare Purple diamond) and hair dye. You can be royal or you can be a reasonable facsimile at a reasonable price. Most people won’t bother to investigate any deeper than what you choose to present on the surface, so either way, it’s your call. Strain recommendation: Blue Dream

SAGITTARIUS

Beige is often knocked as being bland and insipid. Sometimes simple can be good though: it is a staple of a classic wardrobe for example. And beyond fashion, beige fur is a very handy natural camouflage for animals in a desert location. All in all, it is a safe and somewhat boring choice. Some people are beige, as is sand, paper and dry long grasses. If you haven’t guessed, the theme here are things that are mundane; exactly how your month should be—a careful, uneventful, lame month of regular household duties, easy work and a bit of telly before early nights to bed.  You might as well act like you have the stomach flu and only eat weak tea and toast. Take it easy, you need the rest—to heal and to prepare for what’s to come. Strain recommendation: Purple Urkle

CAPRICORN

Blue is the color of almost everything. Ask most people what their favorite color is and they say blue. It’s the stuff of dreams, clear waters and bright skies.  It’s too big to fail; it’s all they said it would be but more; it’s everything but the kitchen sink. It’s overwhelming and calming at the same time. This is your month in a nutshell. Endless streams of paper boats floating on still waters. Hunker down, take it one page at a time, enjoy the breaks, breathe deeply and hug your animals a lot (people are animals too).  By this month’s end you will master the blue, and it will elevate you as reward. Strain recommendation: Blackberry

AQUARIUS

Gray used to be considered depressed, institutional, and monotonous: basically Kafka’s The Trial if it was a color. Then it became the new neutral: accent walls and button down shirts popped up in grays. After that it got kind of cool, like Black’s little sister who’s just old enough to party and is bringing some new Scandinavian friends with her to the museum rave. These days it’s cozy: a fuzzy microfiber blanket and a Weimaraner dog on a rainy day in a beach house. After an eternity as the stalwart color of stalwarts, it has drastically changed personas many times in the last 15 years. What a surprise it has turned out to be. This is your gray time. You are a chameleon, switching up your tactics and tones with the ease of a variety show performer. This should come in handy as you navigate the many worlds you visit this month. Strain recommendation: Panama Red

PISCES

Red is a heavy hitter color—it connotes passion, rage, fear, sex, hell, love, heat, boudoirs and Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day and clown noses, fire trucks, cherries, hearts and blood. You are dripping in red, my Pisces friends. So many oohs and aahs to be had this month. How exciting, painful, wonderful and terrifying. Brace yourself, eat well, grab whatever sleep you can: a rollercoaster is picking you up from work and a waterjet is dropping you off. A tidal wave is your shower and a cyclone your hair dryer. It’s elderberries and ackee for breakfast, puffer fish for lunch and Sannakji for dinner! But without the risk there is no chance for reward! Strain recommendation: Agent Orange