Connect with us

Culture

High Horoscopes | Jan. 12, 2017

Aelie Câlin

Published

on

The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!

Ask Aelie anything! Find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Aries

In the original Star Trek series, audiences were introduced to their first Vulcan, Mr. Spock. Like all good Vulcans, he was cool-tempered, controlled, and had the quintessential observing mind. Spock, however, was half human, which left him vulnerable to silly emotions. Being raised on Vulcan he aspired to contain his humanity, only ever showing his smile or anger when dosed by hypnotic flower dust or forcibly time travelled to an era when his people were still barbarians. You are doing a wonderful Spock impression these days, and a cooler head now is definitely what’s needed; but know that your human side will continue to pester you.  It’s your nature and you mustn’t hate yourself for it. See it for what it is, allow it, but keep on track to clearer thoughts. Live long and prosper. Strain recommendation: True OG

Taurus

Your recent frustrations are akin to those of original Star Trek’s Dr. Leonard Horatio McCoy, aka Bones. He was endlessly grabbing people about the shoulders and exclaiming with buggy eyes and a veiny forehead how much humanity they were lacking. Why can’t everyone just live with the understanding that life is precious, and no one can be left behind? Your intentions are admirable, though like Bones’, sometimes impractical. Perhaps borrow a little calm from your Vulcan colleague Spock when expressing your beliefs to the unconverted. You might not be so easily dismissed as a raving hothead or overly emotional do-gooder with a cooler demeanor, even if secretly you are proud to be one (and so you should be). Strain recommendation: AK-47

Gemini

As Captain Kirk so aptly put it: KHAAAAAN! In the original Star Trek and its second motion picture, plus the reboot 31 years later, we witnessed the powerful Khan Noonian Singh, an augmented human with a passionate hate on for James Tiberius, commit interplanetary crimes in the name of rebellion and revenge.  Despite being widely regarded as a villain, he is loved by audiences of all ages. You have a Khan vibe about you lately; you are strong, relentless, uber-smart and super angry. I’d like to you think about how to retain this energy and charisma while channeling it towards causes that are slightly less self-concerned and rage inspired as your current obsession. Strain recommendation: White Widow

Cancer

I find Cancerians to be well protected from the outside world by a layer of shielding; not vulnerable to the ebbs and flows of external emotionality but still intensely connected to their own inner journey. In way you’re the opposite of Deanna Troi, the half-Betazoid councillor on Star Trek: The Next Generation. As an empath, she feels what others feel—which often leaves her cowering somewhere, rocking back and forth while obsessively repeating a list of maniacal thoughts forced upon her by a villainous alien species.  This week, a little Troi is pushing in on your well-constructed wall. Try to learn what you can from this temporary period of susceptibility to others without letting it bog you down in mushy flopping about. Remember that your form of sympathy, not empathy, is what makes you such a formidable person. Strain recommendation: Blue Dream

Leo

Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Lieutenant Reginald Barclay is a hypochondriac who has difficulties socializing. He typically suffers from a variety of symptoms simultaneously, and then inevitably discovers that they are due to his lack of confidence. He is your symbol this week. Your self worth is directly affecting your body, leaving you with persistent flu-like symptoms and achy muscles. Of course you could do some stretching and take vitamin C, but as the ever-growing pile of tissues around the garbage can attest, the usual remedies aren’t helping. Take some time to heal your inner sad little kid who has forgotten how truly brilliant you are. Strain recommendation: Cheese

Virgo

The character of Kes on Star Trek: Voyager was an Ocampan; they have 9-year life spans and heightened mental abilities. Kes, on top of having inherited skills, learnt how to develop even more with the help of her guide Tuvok. You are having a Kes-inspired week: one where opportunities to deepen your self, explore your best qualities and make some magic is abundant. Try on a new you, unafraid and excited, curious and free, but make sure to employ the help of a trusted advisor who can keep you from blowing up the ship. Strain recommendation: Dutch Treat

Libra

One of the best characters on Star Trek: Enterprise was Captain Archer’s beagle Porthos. He was loyal, loving, always there when the captain needed a cuddle, uncomplicated, happy, cute AF, and had great comedic timing. You are the zodiac’s Porthos this week. Nothing too much is going on, you are content and wonderfully supportive to those who need you. Keep on being the beautiful soul you are. Enjoy this drama free moment, take many naps and go for lovely walks with your favorite humans. If anyone gets in the way of this, just give them a wee snout nuzzle and remind them that life can be simple and joyous. Strain recommendation: Trainwreck

Scorpio

Data, an android on Star Trek: The Next Generation, is the embodiment of a classic trope: the manmade object that longs to be human. He is a modern day Pinocchio, without the compulsive lying. As these stories go, in his desire to achieve a kind of humanity he ends up displaying more compassion than most humans. You, similarly, have an aspiration. A secret ambition to be more than you perceive yourself to be. And, just like Data, you are already are more this thing than most. You must trust in your insides, despite your outsides. Strain recommendation: Northern Lights

Sagittarius

A lesser-known character in the Star Trek universe is Lieutenant Commander Shelby. Featuring in a few key Next Generation episodes, she is young, highly capable and super ambitious. Always pushing a little too hard to advance herself, she ultimately learns the tough way to back off a little, which finally allows others to discover her skills for themselves. You also know exactly what you want, and how to get it; but success is rarely a straight path and yours does not lie directly through other people. Your time will come as if you are patient. Meanwhile, you’ve been serving as a great reminder to those just one step above you to get their shit in gear quickly, or be replaced. So at least there’s that. Strain recommendation: Pineapple Express

Capricorn

Jake Sisko is not the most compelling character in the Star Trek universe but he does represent the current Capricorn dilemma well.  While he is the privileged son of the Commander of Deep Space Nine, Captain Benjamin Sisko, he still longs for even more adventure than one can get from living on massive space station at the border of a wormhole full of celestial prophets. He’s just a frustrated artist who wants to explore his creative persona! He has the undivided attention and complete emotional support of his father who has the safety of around 2000 people to worry about, so clearly it’s hard times for the young lad. So Cappy, are you going to continue to lament your easy life because you aren’t feeling fulfilled or are you going to step up? Strain recommendation: Lemon Haze

Aquarius

I think I can boldly say that most Trekkies are fans of TNG’s Captain Jean-Luc Picard. When he was manipulated by the Borg to lead the offense on the Earth colony Wolf 359, he became unwillingly responsible for losing over 11,000 human lives. Devastated, he returned to his home village in France to do some soul searching. While there he struggled with his purpose in life and did some mud wrestling with his brother. He needed that recuperation time, just as you do now. It’s been a hard year for your sensitive heart, and now that the anger has passed and your priorities are back in line, all you need is a little wine country and witty word play with a cute child to get you back on track. Strain recommendation: Alien Kush

Pisces

Hoshi Sato, the communication officer on the Star Trek series Enterprise is a phenomenal communicator. She can translate just about anything, which makes her a perfect crew member for the first earth ship to explore the galaxy, with one exception: she’s scared of space travel.  Of course with the help of her team she conquers her fears, but not without a fair bit of discomfort and angst. Sometimes it’s good to be uncomfortable, and challenge yourself. The trick lies in being able to distinguish between difficult struggles you can learn from and more of the same old pain your fears have always inflicted upon you. Take the time you need to determine which is which. Strain recommendation: Blackberry Hashplant

Trending