High Horoscopes | June 29, 2016


As the guard asks you to please step away from the vehicle, you awaken from a fugue of sorts; one that has taken you over for hours now, maybe even days. Your intense need to flee was so disorienting that you went into auto-pilot and now you are at the border in nothing but a bathing suit, cowboy boots and ear muffs. Either you are the reincarnated sprit Hunter S. Thompson or you really needed to get out of there. Ok, so it got a little weird there for a minute. Take a breather as you figure out why it had to get to the point that your body did a hard restart. Work backwards, trace the clues, and then the evidence will become so clear that some embarrassment may set in. Strain recommendation: Mazar I Sharif


When you are far from home you are absolutely forced to make acquaintances and take on challenges, whether or not you feel up to it. Travelling can create feelings of intense loneliness and then moments later you can experience ‘new friend giddiness’ when you meet a kind person at the bus stop. From that exciting disorientation of always being a little lost to being sad as you lunch at a romantic café’s only table for one, the experiential range is vast. Yes, it is overwhelming, but try to hang on, because you will miss this, even the boring parts, once your senses acclimate. Strain Recommendation: Shipwreck


Put away all of the distractions. You think that if you disassociate for a while that time will heal half of your issue, so that by the time you return to deal with it, you’ll have 50% less to manage. I’m so very sorry, but no. In fact, you are pissing people off by putting this on the back burner, and now their feelings will have to be negotiated as well. Also the problem will be compounded by the fact that nothing else can move forward until it is sorted out, so now a backlog is being created. Please do something soon—it’s kinda painful seeing this pile up, knowing how it will go down in the end. Strain Recommendation: Super Snow Dog


What is your cure for ear worms—the song bites that get caught in your head for anywhere from a few minutes to weeks? I have no solution, so I am regularly subjected to relentless catchy jingles and repetitive choruses. Currently I can’t get Rihanna’s “werk, werk, werk, werk, werk werk” out of my head. If you have a remedy, you might want to adapt it for memories as I predict you will be in the grips of some mighty flashbacks in the coming week, along with some long past emotional snippets that will bounce around your psyche. Strain recommendation: XJ-13


If you are currently a fetus, your birthday is coming up in a little while! In preparation you should get a lot of sleep because a lot of big, new, scary and loving things are about to happen to you. If you’re presently a grown person, I’ll still suggest getting a lot of rest in preparation for a fierce patch of condensed lifey-ness. It’ll be bold and brash, frightening and thrilling, large and colorful. A vivid and protracted period of fresh experience and hallucinogenic revelations is coming to visit. Strain recommendation: Mr. Nice


Although you tend to rely quite heavily on your analytical skills and intellect to guide you, this week you must try to harness the pure instinct of your gut. Critical information that only your intuition can recognize is available at this moment, though you have been so habitually blind to its signals that they are presently invisible to you. Spend a moment with an animal that you don’t already know very well, sit with it, and try to hear its voice. Once you realize that you can’t literally hear animals ‘speak’, you may at least remember how to listen to yourself, and then you can do that. Strain recommendation: Orange Crush


Your Libran scales are holding comfort and truth this week.  One side load-bears harsh realities for your family and friends; buffering pain and seeking out their hidden heartbreaks to air and heal. A great comfort, they’d call you. The other side lays truth bombs at the feet of your nearest and dearest. As long as it’s not your personal truth, you find it enjoyable being at the center of some drama: power without repercussions. So here you have two forms of emotional heroism to exploit or to honestly enact, as you see fit. Choose wisely. Strain recommendation:  Lemon Kush


Choices made during your carefree past are proving to be indiscretions as time goes on. Unable to change history, and unaware of potential missteps at the time, should you be held accountable for your actions? Well, you know when you are behaving like a wild child permanently on summer vacation with your college roommates that some flack is going to reverb back at ya, right? So in that way, yes. But if you are smart enough to know that, and carry on regardless, then own it like a boss and value it as part of the many experience that created the awesomeness that is you. Strain recommendation: Ringo’s Gift


Is the perfect veneer beginning to crack on the Barbie mobile home? Are Ken and Barbie having some tensions about tax money and computer porn viruses? One of them needs to start a new adventure but the other is happy as things are because all of their needs are being filled. So someone hits the bottle of self-medication and it all becomes very sad. Well, Fate is coming, in the form of an angry and curious child wanting to blow something up with fireworks. That mobile home is just the right shape for a rocket…hold on, sparks are about to fly. Strain recommendation: Medicine Man


It’s been a long cold lonely winter, but here comes the sun. You’ve been in a self-imposed dry spell for quite a while and you’re a bit sickly and malnourished as a result. So write a thank you letter to whatever it was that sparked your inner pilot light again and try to remember how it feels to leave caution to the wind because opportunity to explore and enjoy is here. Please don’t little hang-ups or jealousies get in the way of this revival, what a waste that would be. Strain recommendation: Critical Mass


So this is what it feels like to be the cool kid on the block. Everyone wants a piece and you’ve got plenty to go around. Your energy for fun is boundless and some of your halcyon-days habits are resurfacing. It all feels good inside the Aquarian body, and it’s well deserved. The only concern here is for the little companion you’ve had through all of the not so cool times. They aren’t reaping much benefit from your current good grooves. Don’t let them drift away from your glow, bring them along for the ride or at least make time for them too. Strain recommendation: Candyland


So many doors in this hallway of yours, so many different ways you can go. Is this a Kafkaesque nightmare: entrapment disguised as opportunity, or are you creating so many options that you can’t possibly be expected to choose?  Either way, you are stuck in a darkened corridor. It’s no fun and the noise behind each door gets louder every time you consider going through it. How are you expected to function like this? Exactly. So now what? How long can you wait this out? Sure a few of the choices will bow out in time, but mainly you are just putting off the inevitable. When playing chicken with bulls and vague ideas, there’s no way to win. Strain recommendation: Lodi Dodi

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