The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!
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ARIES
Dave Chappelle rocked the SNL opening monologue this week. It was an awesome comeback (to TV at least). Remember when John Travolta did Pulp Fiction? People went crazy. The sight of Tony Manero/Danny Zuko/Vinnie Barbarino doing the twist with Uma just blew people’s minds. Nothing like a return from the celebrity dead to inspire the underdog in us all. So, which part of you needs a ticket for a return visit? What bit hasn’t seen the light of day in a while? Slightly re-imagined that little characteristic might score a big part in your persona film saga. Try looking at the potential you had but never made enough use of; someone might be lurking around, just waiting for their 15 minutes. Strain recommendation: Kilimanjaro
TAURUS
So many products have become obsolete in the last decade. I wonder how the sales of Whiteout and telephone cable extension cords are doing, let alone those awesome yellow plastic thingies that go in the center of 45 speed records. You can empathize a little can’t you? You’ve felt a bit unneeded recently as well; you’ve thought that while some people still need you, they don’t really want you anymore, haven’t you? What has brought on this insecurity? You’re usually less susceptible to outside influence than this. Try to remember that you are strong like bull! As soon as you stop fretting you will see that it’s all in that hard head of yours. Strain recommendation: Duke Nukem
GEMINI
Are you a lyrics gal or a beat boy? Do you understand every word Jimi Hendrix said and why he said it, or do you know the feel of his music, his rhythm, his cadence and tone alone? Some people are word lovers, they seek the beauty of intention and craft—they are cats. Others feel their way through the music, their organs dance as their mouths expel open throated harmonies—they are dogs. Geminis already like to play with identity, so this task should be enjoyable. I challenge you to wear the mask of the other this week. Walk a kitty’s path or sleep in a dog’s house. You need an internal shift, to see through an unusual lens for a while. Strain recommendation: Purple Arrow
CANCER
Coming off a long period of healing and rest is difficult, and usually it is suggested to return to your regular doings incrementally. You didn’t get that option this time though; you were thrown back in the deep end. No wonder you’re pooped, and worrying about being able to survive it all. Of course your interest is waning; its no fun feeling overwhelmed. Until you are afforded time to take stock of how you are really doing please refrain from making decisions about your future. I know picking something easier right now is tempting, but you might seriously regret this once the shock wears down. You won’t be happy working at 50% capacity. Strain recommendation: Key Lime Pie
LEO
A woman on crutches approached a Leo friend of mine on the street the other day. She was having trouble walking and asked him to knock on the windows of cars stopped at the intersection to ask them for a lift to the pharmacy a few blocks away. He struggles with social anxiety issues and shyness so this was a very uncomfortable situation. He would never refuse to help someone in need, but he had to cross some serious societal boundaries to do so. Worse, once they found a lift, the woman made him help her enter the car, which took enough time to make the driver impatient. My friend then pulled his back quite badly while hoisting her up, but didn’t stop out of embarrassment. In the end, despite his aching body, he overcame a fear and helped a stranger. Let him inspire you this week. Be uncomfortable, get hurt if you must, but conquer that fear and do some good. Strain recommendation: Aceh
VIRGO
Yes the problem is you, but not the way you think. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you, there is no magical thing that you emanate which causes this to happen, you are not the victim of a cosmic joke – it’s all ridiculously simple and somewhat boring in fact; you are blocking the good. I know it feels like all you want is the good stuff, you yearn for it, beg for it, punish yourself for not getting it; but ultimately you are not allowing it to come to you. And how do we unblock ourselves? Figure out why getting the good scares you, release the self-judgment and finally, take those vulnerable and uncomfortable steps forward. Remember, Leonard Cohen was also a Virgo – his spiritual life led him to doggedly seek out his personal blocks and then either challenge or accept them. Strain recommendation: White Cheese
LIBRA
Have you ever ridden a dragon? They’re softer than you’d think; their horns are covered in felt when they’re little, and if you whisper sweet thoughts in their ear they’ll let you pet their paws. But if you lasso one rodeo-style and force her to take you to the castle she’ll buck you off and flame shower you on the way down. You know this already though don’t you, which is why you aren’t in the habit of pushing your will on others, so why have you been playing president-elect this week? Something’s rattled you and now you’re trying to control your environment, but all that will happen is that your previously kind collaborators will build small fires in their bellies with your name them. Strain recommendation: Willie Nelson
SCORPIO
Difficulty focusing is a super common symptom, with causes ranging from old age to a nice indica. Your attention deficit this week stems from something slightly less common, however; a subconscious disturbance has revealed itself in your dreams making them more vivid and mystical. Unless you plan on spending the remainder of your life in a haze of half-forgotten stories and Sunday morning fuzziness, I suggest you set aside some special time to prepare for sleep properly. Turn off the electronics, meditate on what isn’t sitting quite right, and then actually focus on the dark behind your eyelids for a while before you turn off your brain. If you don’t, you’ll be introducing your loved one as “um…”, and I promise you won’t sleep any better in the doghouse. Strain recommendation: Violet Delight
SAGITTARIUS
Bread and Puppet Theatre, a Vermont-based company, creates work that explores politically radical themes through the use of (often massive) puppetry and presentational scene work. More of a 1960’s type happening, their summer festival is widely attended by all kinds of folk. The company bakes bread and has a printing press, which specializes in provocative words boldly written above roughly hewn and beautiful carved ink prints. One such image shows two red flowers with vibrantly green stems on a black background with the word RESIST across the top. It is so simple and intensely inspiring. You have some of that magic within you this week. An easy, straightforward passion with a clear message mixed with some poetic license. Use it thoughtfully. Strain recommendation: Blue Crack
CAPRICORN
2016 has been a sucky ass year and it’s all David Bowie’s fault. When he died he took his magical ‘Bowon’ particle away with him. Clearly that alien element which made him lighting bolt cool is now missing from our universe. We slipped into the darkest timeline and since it’s been a series of heartbreaking cool-celebrity deaths, horrific internal humanitarian despair, massive social injustice and frightening political upheaval. We all need to take a sea-salt bath and unjinx ourselves before 2017, especially you, Cappy. For someone who is not usually superstitious or new-agey, you have felt this cosmic unbalance acutely. Take a spiritual enema and gird yourself for the next month and a half; some peace should come your way in the new year. Strain recommendation: Haze
AQUARIUS
Aquarians learn by identifying their extreme borders. When presented with fire for the first time they’ll push closer. Feeling the heat they’ll put yet another little toe in to make sure it’s hot, and then only back away when they hear sizzling. By then they have something verging on a third-degree burn. Not the most economical way to take in information; efficiency has never been their bag. The exploration of an innocent is inspiring in its authenticity when it’s from a child. When it’s grown-ass adults it can be a little worrying. Can’t you trust vicarious experiences? I suggest you use your imagination more this week. Pretend you are doing the dangerous thing then think through the potential repercussions of that action. I feel strange having to spell this out to you but I fear if I don’t you’ll just end up in the emergency room. Strain recommendation: Jet Fuel
PISCES
The thrill is gone, it burnt itself away. You try to care, but the fatigue lulls you into an oblivion-loving state where nothing sounds better than a near-endless sleep. Your candle didn’t just burn at both ends—the flame melted down both sides so quickly that now you just have a piece of wax-coated string on fire. If you don’t prioritize your health this week you won’t last much longer. Yes, it is possible to keep up this rate of work and still care for yourself, but it means being super jealous with your down time. No one is allowed to get between you and your bed. Ban everyone who is demanding anything of you beyond your absolute must-do list. You have cosmic permission to be an asshole about it. Strain recommendation: White Rhino
