Man Caught Smuggling Dope in D.A.R.E Lion

In the art of drug smuggling, there has always been some level of controversy surrounding what the best methods are for sneaking MJ into the desired location: should it be hidden or in plain sight? For most, the answer is almost always to keep it concealed, with everyone from the cartels to small-time drug aficionados employing a multitude of creative stash tactics to ensure there is no momentary lapse in the feel-goods once they reach their destination.

Unfortunately, law enforcement has become shocking effective at detecting the bizarre covers that people use to transport drugs. Just ask 22-year old New York resident Gregory Bolognese, who was busted earlier this week at the Plattsburgh Greyhound bus station after authorities found he had a hefty stash of drugs stuffed in a toy lion wearing a black D.A.R.E t-shirt.

While it is not known exactly what led New York state police to shakedown Bolognese in the middle of the bus station and rip his D.A.R.E. lion to shreds in a wild-eyed search for illegal drugs, reports from WPTZ indicates they discovered two grams of weed, nearly a gram of cocaine, and a couple strips of LSD tucked inside. Although police are still not entirely sure why Bolognese needed this wicked collection of high-powered substances for his travels, we are convinced the legendary Hunter S. Thompson inspired his actions:

“We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers . . . and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls . . . Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.” – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Nevertheless, Bolognese was arrested and transported to the Clinton County Jail, where he was slapped with a myriad of drug charges and is currently being held on a $500 cash bond.

For future reference, we would advise not using anything branded with anti-drug messages to disguise your smuggling operations. Former law enforcement sources have confirmed that many police agencies consider these types of brands to be reasonable suspicion.