You’re stoned. You’re starving. Ordering delivery costs money and takes too long. What can you do? Well, here are a few recipes so quick and easy even the hungriest of highs will be satisfied. Or, get blazed, pick one dish from each category and have the most glow-up night of your life.
Herb Garlic Parmesan Popcorn (3 minutes)
Recipe from Our Best Bites
While you’re smoking herb, microwave some popcorn, and use those dried herbs chilling in your pantry to take these kind kernels to the next level.
Hummus (2 freaking minutes)
Recipe from Real Simple
I’m a sucker for mindlessly snacking on dips, and making hummus is so cheap and easy there’s no reason not to do it yourself. If you want to make it a knockout like Rihanna in Fenty, here’s a video on making infused olive oil so it really packs a punch.
Tator Tot-Chos (30 minutes, but worth the wait)
Recipe from Just a Taste
This is ingenious stoner food, since it elevates nachos by crossfading them with tater tots. The best part about this recipe is that whatever you have in the fridge works as a topping. Add diced veggies, beans, season some tofu with paprika, garlic powder, cayenne, salt, and pepper. Sear it, then crumble it on top. Whatever you do, you’ll only make it danker.
Buffalo Shrimp Tacos (15 minutes)
Recipe from Delish
You can make these even if you’ve never cooked a day in your life. It takes longer to heat up the nail for a dab than it takes to cook shrimp. In these tacos the shrimp’s natural sweetness perfectly elevates the spicy creamy toppings. To add a splash of THC when you sauté the shrimp, here’s a High Times recipe for cannabutter.
Bacon Pancakes (6 minutes)
Recipe from Tablespoon
This recipe is inspired by that wonderfully stoney show Adventure Time. They’re perfect to munch whether you’re couch-locked or on the go. And, if you watch the show then you know you’ll be making these singing BACON PANCAAAAKES!
Slow Cooker Brown Sugar Garlic Chicken (8 hours of you literally doing nothing)
Recipe from Dinner then Dessert
Slow cookers are a stoner’s best bud. They need no effort on your part to make delicious food. Dump a bunch of stuff into it before you leave in the morning, come back eight hours later—it’s ready to eat. This chicken is so sweet and juicy it’ll drip down your chin, so sop up those juices with some crusty bread, or microwave some minute rice, and you’ll be feeling fly AF.
Baked Vegan Taquitos (5 minutes to make, 20 minutes in the oven, a.k.a. one full episode of Rick and Morty)
Recipe from PETA
Go green, and make this healthy alternative to frozen taquitos before starting an episode of Rick and Morty. Roll ‘em up, toss ‘em in the oven, set a timer, hop on the couch, and repack your bong. You’ll be baked, and the taquitos will be done baking by the time the episode ends. Heck, once they’re crispy brown and ready to rock, you can even dunk them in a little tangy vegan sour cream.
Pasta With Blistered Cherry Tomato Sauce (12 minutes)
Recipe from Serious Eats
Even the toastiest of folks can make this. You need one pot (to cook in, not smoke), one pan, and that’s it. The dankness of this dish is that while the pasta cooks to al dente (meaning the noodles are firm, but not crunchy) you’ll make the simple sauce, and they’ll both be done at the exact same time, so you can chow down right away. Plus, it costs $10, and feeds four people (or you four times). To feel extra lit, before you eat it drizzle Pot d’Huile infused olive oil on top.
Banana Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream (30 seconds… maybe 35)
Recipe from The Healthy Maven
You know those bananas sitting on your counter turning brown? Peel ‘em and toss them in the freezer, so when you’re craving a sweet treat to quench your cottonmouth, you can throw those bad boys in a blender with cocoa powder, some peanut butter, and blend until smooth. Then, grab a cheese grater and shave some melt-in-your-mouth flakes of Punch Edibles’ 90mg Dark Chocolate Cherry Bar over the top. It won 2nd place at the 2018 SoCal Cannabis Cup!
Creamy Dream Oreo Dessert (Just like you… it chills overnight)
Recipe from The Kitchen is My Playground
So simple. So gooey. So indulgent. If you’re looking for a flavorful way to add some THC without adding more sugar try Mondo. It’s the perfect powder to sprinkle on top of this decadent dessert.
Mike Glazer went from being on Food Network’s ‘Worst Cooks in America’, to graduating from culinary school, to being hired to cook with Gordon Ramsay on his show ‘The F Word’. Mike also judged edibles for the 2018 Socal Cannabis Cup and co-hosts a podcast with Mary Jane Gibson called Weed + Grub.