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Bethenny Frankel Needs the Munchies

“Carpetbagger.” That’s been the general reaction amongst pot people to the preposterous news that Real Housewives of New York automaton Bethenny Frankel will be developing a kind of kind that won’t make you hungry. Apparently, the stick-thin founder of the Skinnygirls brand of synergistic lifestyle bullshit products saw a pot store in Aspen and decided she should cash in.

“It will be a specially engineered strain of pot designed to not give you the munchies,” an insider close to the Skinnygirl cocktails creator, 44, tells US Weekly. “She read about how profitable the cannabis industry is and wants to get in on that.”

Unless Bethenny has been secretly toking up all these years to relieve her dangerous anorexia, she’s got a lot to learn about cannabis and the people who use it. First off, there’s already different kinds of pot—mostly sativas—that contain cannabinoid THCV, which bizarrely suppresses the appetite. So if you’re looking to get high and lose weight, puff down on some Durban Poison before pumping iron, and you’ll find that cannabis helps maximize your results.

Most cannabis does stimulate the appetite, and it’s virtually the only substance known with this unique ability. The pharmaceutical industry has never been able to create an effective chemical solution to encourage appetite, making cannabis a godsend for people suffering from cancer treatments, AIDS wasting, or eating disorders.

“Specially engineering” pot to remove the appetite-enhancing qualities seems like an oxymoron, and most people aren’t interested in using GMO marijuana. Cannabis has been perfectly designed by nature, and over thousands of years it’s been bred and beloved by humans because it makes food taste better, so why ruin a good thing?

Besides, French scientists have discovered that marijuana smokers are less likely to be obese, most likely because of how cannabis affects metabolism and general homeostasis. Common sense strategies for coping with the munchies include eating a sensible meal before you get high, drinking lots of water after you get high, and keeping healthy snacks around your house. After all, smoking pot makes everything taste better, so dig into some hummus dip with carrot sticks or chow down on stir-fried veggies with quinoa and let your high transform nutritious foods into the most delicious foods.

So don’t stress out over getting the munchies, and follow the helpful advice of The Marijuana Diet author Art Glass, who told High Times “Marijuana helps you get in touch with yourself, let go of the crap you don’t need, and when you let go of that psychological crap, you will let go of your weight.”

So Bethenny, put down the cocktails, go ahead and spark up some Sour Diesel, get in touch with your feelings, forget about your nasty divorce, and realize that it’s OK not to be a Skinnygirl all the time. Binge on a pint of organic blueberries, some rice cakes and a bag of kale chips and repeat, “Real Housewives wasn’t real” a few thousand times and then maybe, just maybe, you’ll be ready to try and get into the pot business.

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