Reefer Madness’ Greatest Hits: The Attorney General Sessions

Photo bu MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images

Remember the Eighties? Rubik’s Cubes and checkered Vans? New Wave and Hair Metal? President Reagan saying, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall?”

Well, now that we’re building our own wall, it’s time to grab those skinny ties out of the back of your closet, because the Eighties are back, baby! And if you’re into smoking grass, then we’ve got the Eighties-style drug war rhetoric in a new party album that you’ve got to have!

Hi, I’m “Radical” Russ Belville from RussCo Records with an announcement that’s awesome and totally gnarly. Y’know, as a pot smoker myself, I grew up with some of the most tubular drug war rhetoric ever recorded. Our generation knew some of the greatest artists in prohibition ever—Bill “Snake Eyes” Bennett, Robert “Piss Test Profits” DuPont and the great John “Marijuana Unicorns” Walters.

But while our generation got to hear the reefer madness classics steeped in the lyrical traditions of Harry J. Anslinger, kids today have missed out. An entire generation has grown up with medical marijuana and a president who said he inhaled, frequently, and it was no more harmful than alcohol. What a bummer!

Now, RussCo Records brings you the greatest hits of the “Just Say No” decade in our latest release, Reefer Madness’ Greatest Hits: The Attorney General Sessions, as performed by the hottest up-and-coming artist in prohibition, now-Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard “MC JeffBo 3” Sessions III.

Check out these 15 totally rad tracks, dudes and dudettes!

You’ll love that classic sound that brings back the worst fear-mongering about cannabis, with hits like “Not Your Father’s Woodstock Weed”:

The unforgettable “Marijuana Addicts,” including his smashing duet with Lady Gaga:

One of my all-time favorites, “Dain Bramage”:

But wait, that’s not all! MC JeffBo 3 performs a chilling tribute to Nixon-era reefer madness with his cover of “The Gateway Theory”:

You’ll flip for his rendition of the all-time classic Nancy Reagan hit, “Just Say No”:

And, of course, the follow-up smash, “Don’t Say Yes”:

Isn’t it awesome? Not only do you get MC JeffBo 3’s Reagan-era views on marijuana, this album also brings back the totally bitchin’ “Tough on Crime” sound that defined the decade!

You’ll get the hard-hitting “Death Penalty for Weed Dealers,” recorded with DJ “Easy” Pat Leahy:

There’s the incredible artistry of defending police seizure of cash and property from people yet to be convicted of crimes in MC JeffBo 3’s “Asset Forfeiture Rhapsody”:

And you’ll never forget where you were the first time you heard the inspiring “Suite Mandatory Minimums”:

You even get the boss Eighties attitude toward medical marijuana in the ballad, “(I Can’t Commit To) Not Arresting Patients” (again with DJ “Easy” Pat Leahy):

And for the hardiest listeners, MC JeffBo 3 brings out the big guns for the chilling apocalyptic death metal track, “What If the Sixties Came Back?”:

MC JeffBo 3 also has a totally Eighties message for the neo-maxi zoom-dweebie ex-president in the track “Presidential Bad Example”:

As well as the totally grody FBI director in the rollicking “Marijuana’s Not Funny”:

We wind up this great set of Eighties reefer madness hits with MC JeffBo 3’s biggest chart toppers, including the seminal track, “Leadership from The Top”:

And what collection of MC JeffBo 3’s greatest hits would be complete without “Good People Don’t Smoke Marijuana”:

Yes, it’s all the greatest hits from the decade that brought you crack babies, mandatory minimum sentencing, the D.A.R.E. program, McGruff the Crime Dog and Nancy Reagan showing up on sitcoms to tell us all to “Just Say No,” performed by a former attorney general for the state of Alabama who was deemed too racist for the federal bench in 1986.

Thanks to this special electoral offer, you get to enjoy these 15 reefer madness hits from the 1980s for the next four years, at least! But that’s not all!

Order now and you get a Secretary of Energy who got a “D” in a class called “Meats,” a Secretary of Education who’s never been to a public school and thinks they need guns for grizzly bear defense, a Secretary of Health & Human Services who hates medical marijuana, a Secretary of Treasury who profited from the economy’s collapse and a Secretary of State who’s a fossil fuel multi-millionaire

Order within the next 10 minutes, and we’ll throw in a clueless president from the entertainment industry and a vice president who hates gay people to give you the complete Eighties experience!

(Offer not valid in Canada, eh?)

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