Santa Claus Supports Marijuana Legalization

In the small town of North Pole, Alaska, where they say, “the spirit of Christmas lives year round,” the voters have refused to allow retail pot shops to sell the stoner’s mistletoe throughout the community, which has one prominent resident by the name Santa Claus bent out of shape.

Last month, the majority of the voters in North Pole took action to ensure that marijuana sales would not be allowed in the town. But one of the city’s most infamous council members, a man who legally changed his name to “Santa Claus,” believes the townspeople made a mistake by turning their backs on the legal cannabis industry.

Mr. Claus, who credits his devotion to religion and children for his decision to change his name, says many people from around the holiday-themed suburb of Fairbanks, including him, could have benefited greatly from the ability to buy legal weed within the town’s four square miles.

That’s right—Santa Claus smokes marijuana. He recently told NBC News that he currently uses the herb to combat the nasty symptoms he often experiences as a result of having cancer.

“I am pro medical marijuana,” Santa said. “I’m using it for my medical purposes. I don’t see any negative association.”

If you think this man, who has not only taken on the Santa Claus name, but also his persona, is just some quack job pothead, you would be wrong. Prior to his service as a member of the North Pole City Council, he worked as the Director of the Terrorism Research Communication Center, was Chief of Safety and Security for the U.S. Virgin Islands Port Authority, and part of FEMA’s National Defense Executive Reserve. He’s also a monk.

But perhaps the most interesting credit to Santa’s laundry list of career moves is his time as a law enforcement officer—a period of his life when he was likely forced to lock people up for marijuana possession. Now, he grows it.

Santa Claus told NBC that he believes North Pole’s voters supported Proposition 7, the initiative that outlawed marijuana dispensaries, because many are “engendering hate, which comes from fear.”

However, there is some good news. Cannabis connoisseurs all over the world do not have to worry this holiday season whether their enthusiastic dedication to the leaf will stop the big man in the red suit from jumping down their chimney this December to leave them some gifts.

“Cannabis users will not be getting coal in their stocking,” Santa said. “Unless they’ve done some other thing that might be considered egregious.”

Also, Santa has apparently given up cookies—he’s trying to get into shape. So, just pack him a bowl before going to bed Christmas Eve.

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