Popemobile Used to Smuggle Coke and Weed

In the global drug jungle, the concept of sneaking past international borders under “perfect” cover is said to be a myth. Yet, this did not stop a couple of Italian drug smugglers from attempting to use the guise of an official Vatican Popemobile to transport a shipment of cocaine and marijuana into France.

Reports indicate that the secretary for 91-year-old Argentinean cardinal Jorge Mejia, who has been retired since 2003 after suffering a heart attack, hired a couple of men to take the cardinal’s holy Jaguar out to have it serviced. Little did the secretary know, but the men had hashed out a relatively ingenious scheme to use the pontifical wheels to take a road trip into Spain where they were schedule to pick up a shipment of illegal drugs.

Admittedly, the Italian men’s plan to evade law enforcement by flying under the radar of the Pope’s license plates was one for the books. Unfortunately, they failed to consider the possibility of encountering French police officers that had apparently lost their religion a long time ago.

At a checkpoint near the French Alps, the men were unable to provide authorities with the proper documentation to prove they were affiliated with the Vatican. Of course, this discrepancy raised a red flag and soon officers were snooping around the vehicle, where they discovered suitcases loaded up with nine pounds of cocaine and seven ounces of marijuana.

The two men were taken into custody and booked on drug trafficking charges.

Federico Lombardi, a representative for the Vatican said the cocaine cowboys were Italian but were not part of or employed by the Vatican City State. Therefore, the Holy See is not liable for their actions. However, reports that broke over the weekend signified that the men may have had strong ties to the Vatican, and that even Jesus Christ himself was embarrassed by this incident.

“Cardinal Mejia is not well and obviously has nothing to do with this,” Lombardi told The Telegraph. “It’s now up to the police to pursue their investigations.”

Earlier this year, Pope Francis spoke at a drug enforcement conference in Rome where he professed his disdain for the legalization of drugs saying, “Drug use is an evil and against evil there can be no yield or compromise.”

So, it stands to reason that if the two Italians did have affiliations with the Vatican, they are not likely to receive any assistance from the Pope’s holy rolling attorneys.

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