Well ladies and gents, we may only be a few weeks into January, but 2022 is already going off with a bang. From the slew of exciting IRL event announcements, to the previews of phenos coming to market later this year, there’s a lot to be excited about right now. While it seemed for a second we may see another surge to slow our return to normalcy, it’s now seeming we’re collectively over it. Whatever the case may be, whether you’re stuck in isolation or out on the town, you’re going to need some high quality fire power to get you through it, and I’m here to help you find your fix.
For those new to the Cop List, here’s the long and short of it. A LOT of new products come out every month, but not all the dope is that dope, if ya feel me. How are you, the consumer, supposed to see through all the smoke and mirrors? In the words of the Holy Opal of Trapis Designs, “[Finding the right product is] like picking steaks. There are so many varieties and cuts, but if you serve me a fucked up steak I’m probably not coming back to your spot.” Well gang, I try all of it so you don’t have to, and I’ve created this list to help y’all navigate which hype is real. I won’t necessarily call out the busters, you just won’t see them included in this collection.
As always, feel free to drop me a line to let me know what the streets have you hyped about. I’m always happy to put the smoke to the test 🙂
I know it’s been over 13 years since Pineapple Express came out, but if there’s one lasting impact of that movie that I can see it was the proliferation of the Cross Joint. You know, the doob with another doob cut into it about halfway through, so you can get a superior smoke ‘trifecta’, if you will. Well friends, now you don’t need to know a really good roller to experience this magic for yourself… the gang at Highnstein’s has done that hard part for you. Now available on the legal market, and at a MSRP of $25, which is far cheaper than I would’ve expected a product like this to run, I’m pleased to report that this thing isn’t just a gimmick. The cross smokes! Filled with some Zkittles x Kush Mints cultivated by a reputable brand, this is a party trick you’ll end up making part of your regular routine.
I’ve previewed G’s work on G Putt before, but it’s clear he wanted to dial it all the way in before officially launching, and friends, let’s just say he’s more than ready. Debuting his new G-Funk cut, the pilot of his new portfolio, G’s coming into the market HOT. A proprietary cross of OG & Gelato, the new strain is a perfect culmination of G’s work in the space so far, from his humble OG beginnings to the Gelato craze he helped proliferate. With a nose that touches on the hypiest of terps—the gassy and candy smells—it’s safe to say this is going to resonate with the streets just as much as it is the upper echelon smokers. In the immortal words of Warren G & Nate Dogg’s Bay Area classic ‘Regulate’, “G-Funk. Step to this, I dare ya.”
Here’s one that’s shippable and available across the world, for those reading from the other side of the country or across the pond. I’ve used a LOT of grinders, and while most of the teeth-based models are great, I was honestly sick of fighting to get all my sticky through the holes. In the past I’ve used mortar and pestle style types and while they’re good, I believe this is truly the next generation of the experience. With no teeth, but a grooved metal surface that mills your flower through it’s grates, this has quickly become my favorite way to chop it up. Delivering a fluffy yet nug-y consistency that will work filling your bowl just as well as a backwood, I highly recommend picking one of these up.
I’m always on the hunt for new cultivators, and candidly one of the things I pay most attention to is not how they brag about what’s in their bag, but how they nitpick their own work striving for perfection. Good Greens finds themselves in this elite class of cultivators. While the work he showed me was miles better than many of the ‘top shelf’ cultivators in the market, it was clear he doesn’t think he’s there yet, which only makes me extremely excited to see what he puts out going forward. I saw two phenos of his upcoming Jealousy x Horchata cross, which while already out of this world, also provided a range of terps we’re not seeing super often right now, so I can only imagine how the end result will perform. Striving for originality, providing the utmost care to produce quality, AND still pushing to be better? Yeah, Good Greens has got it.
Often the best flower I see isn’t labeled, it’s passed to me by a friend who knows what’s good and has something interesting they think I’ll like. Some of my favorite discoveries have been these mason jar scores that I actually smoked days later, and had to try and chase down the details for, which are not always easy to find. My most recent example of this came from my good buddy Billy from the Moxie gang. We linked up at the High Rise party during the last Hall of Flowers and he showed me some truly special buds at a time when I was already thoroughly intoxicated. When I finally came back down to earth and realized what he’d given me, I had to get the deets. This time the mystery score was the classic ‘Gummy Buns’, a cross of Biscotti and Grease Monkey that’s bred by Exotic Genetix. I’m not 100 percent if this is on shelves right now, or if this is just a sleeper private reserve cut, but either way, if you see this out in the wild, grab that bag.
I’m pretty hard on prerolls, so when I find a brand I actually like I’ve got to shout about it from the rooftops. That’s the case with this new brand Paradise Smokes, these things smack. Besides their attractive packaging, Paradise’s prerolls are described easiest as premium smokes. Wrapped in paper, but with a thick glass tip usually reserved for blunt wraps, these things feel almost like a paper cigarillo. I believe they’re bringing flower to market as well, but with multi-packs and singles of prerolls that smoke just as good as a hand roll, some of you might not need it.
I first caught up with these guys at the most recent Hall of Flowers event, and while I missed their products at the actual show, I’m very glad I caught up with them in the following weeks. A new family business based in SoCal, it’s clear this isn’t the first operation the cultivators behind Flight Path were involved in, despite the newly legal brand face. Not only is the experience there, but it’s also clear these guys have taste. Having shown me three different Jealousy cuts and crosses, that could each proliferate the brand on it’s own, it’s also worth noting that their abilities aren’t limited to pushing new—their Zkittles x Kush Mints is one of the best expressions of the plant that I’ve seen.
I’m glad the Zalympix results are out because I had fully intended on writing this piece forecasting their win, but I didn’t want to suck the fun out of the competition while it was still going on. That said, it was clear from cracking the jar that this one was a front runner for any competition. With an aesthetic that will grab you even if you don’t know anything about weed, the aroma inside the jar will hook even the snobbiest of consumers. You’ll taste it, too. Finally, while not dark purple, the nugs have enough dark color to turn on the purp fiends without turning off those that see through that hype, and at least from what I’ve seen, they’re just as photogenic as any of our centerfolds. It’s got the nose, flavor, color, and the look—what more could you ask for?
I’ve included these jars on the list before as they are my favorite way to store my flower, but I just found out about the mega sized one, so I’m passing on the jewels. Although it’s billed as a coffee bean holder, this is the single best way I’ve found to conserve my flower, especially for longer than a few months. The medium size, which I’ve had, has been able to comfortably hold about two ounces, but the new Kilo model can easily fit a QP. Complete with a vacuum-sealing lid, I’m not going to lie, it may take some effort to open, but you can rest assured the flower will be just as gorgeous as the day you dropped it in.
Compound Genetics’ Blueberry Bananas
I’ve praised Compound in this list before, but while I’ve followed their work for awhile, I recently got my first chance to actually sit down with the legend behind the hype, Chris, and discuss a bit about his history and what he’s got coming. More on that later in a dedicated piece, but I’d never want my dear readers to be late on something, so let me drop this little tease now: their new Blueberry Bananas is going to knock your socks off. With a Blueberry nose you’ll undoubtedly remember from the classic Blueberry cuts, this is one of the terpiest strains I’ve tasted in years, with a flavor that will coat your lungs from the first inhale. You’ll get the Banana kick on the finish of the exhale in an almost unexpected twist. Even better, that flavors going to stick with you for awhile after you’re done. It’s appropriately named, and a hell of a good smoke.
Bonus: Ember Valley’s Dole Whip
I’m literally only including this to let you know that I may be a psychic. That Ember Valley pheno I told you about a few months back in the Hall of Flowers list is actually coming to market, and you’re in for a treat. That’s right, I know, I told you it was a killer before they even had a name, and now it can be yours. How did you get so lucky? Affectionately called ‘Dole Whip’ (which I’m also pretty sure I put in their ear but even if not, c’mon—could you get MORE in the pocket for me?) is the Tropic Truffles x Cookies & Cream cross that was the star of their October hunt. Smelling exactly like a fresh cup of the pineapple goodness, this smoke is not only delicious, but powerful. While I typically like the fruity strains first thing in the morning, this is a killer I keep reserved for sunset, and it’s one that’s never let me down!