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Synthetic Urine: A How-To On How to Beat a Urine Test

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This post is sponsored by Serious Monkey Bizzness.

Even with more than half of U.S. states allowing legal marijuana in some shape or form, many companies still require drug tests—and a positive result for marijuana can lead to losing that dream job. With President-elect Donald Trump’s choice of Jeff Sessions for U.S. Attorney General, federal policy on marijuana is unlikely to change soon, meaning many of us are still subject to workplace drug testing. That does not mean, however, that you do not have options for when the golden opportunity comes a little too soon to get clean.

Of all the types of drug tests, urine tests are the worst for fellow potheads, behind only hair tests. If you’re the typical daily smoker, you can assume that THC will be detectable in your urine for at least a month; if you’re a lighter smoker, you can expect a bit less. If you have some time before the test to stop smoking, the sooner the better—sometimes you can luck out and beat a test, but who wants to leave their future to chance?

Because urine tests look for a few different things, beating one is a bit more complicated than simple at-home remedies would lead you to believe. Drinking lots of water is common advice, and while good advice in almost any situation, too much of a good thing applies here: as urine tests look for creatinine levels, diluting your urine can set off alarm bells and a retest. Urine is also expected to be a certain temperature, making it impossible to use without some finagling.

So, what do you do?

Thankfully, there are kits out there that do everything for you! Take, for example, the Monkey Whizz from Serious Monkey Bizzness. It comes with synthetic urine, leaving you worry-free about trying to make your own work. Also included is a belt, for easy hiding around the waist, and heating pads to ensure that sweet human-level temperature.

Using it as easy as 1-2-3:

1. On the day of use, give the heating pad a couple of shakes and attach it to the belt’s bag.

2. Close the clips and cut the tube to the needed length, then wrap the belt around your waist under all of your clothes. The temperature strip should be touching your skin and the tube pointed towards the ground. Make sure to put on at least one hour before the test!

3. Once you have the pee cup and some privacy, unfasten the clips and pour the synthetic urine into the cup or whatever container is being required. Then go home, kick back and relax until your results come back negative!

As you can see, having to take a urine test is definitely unfortunate, but not one that needs to hold you back. There are options out there, like the aforementioned Monkey Whizz, that can help you beat the test. Available for $39.95, you can find the Monkey Whizz on the Serious Monkey Bizzness website or find a retailer near you HERE.


Related Coverage:

How to Pass a Drug Test
7 Biggest Myths About Drug Testing
Q&A: Can My Employer Fire Me for Legally Using Pot? 

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