Uncle Sam Wants You… To Grow Weed

In an effort to avoid a lapse in federal pot production, the United States government is hoping to commission a few good cannabis farmers to cultivate acres of marijuana for research purposes.

Earlier this week, an agency affiliated with the National Institute on Drug Abuse announced plans to solicit proposals from marijuana grow professionals who have the ability to “cultivate and harvest, process, analyze, store, and distribute cannabis for research,” according to a press release. In addition, Uncle Sam is interested in working with growers well versed in producing cannabis extracts, as well as those who can develop innovative cultivation techniques that will yield pot crops with varying cannabinoid ratios.

The ideal cannabis cultivation candidate, according to The National Institute on Drug Abuse, will already possess a registration from the Drug Enforcement Administration for substances listed Schedule II to V. Furthermore, applicants will be forced to undergo a stringent background examination in order for the DEA to determine if they have what it takes to handle a registration for a Schedule I substance. “Any offeror must also possess DEA registration for research, manufacture, and distribution of Schedule I through V controlled substances before the award of this contract.”

NIDA says it would also appreciate hearing from growers who can roll joints for them — searching for cultivation experts who can “supply… marijuana cigarettes to research investigators and/or to the NIDA Drug Supply program upon NIDA authorization.”

Potential ganja gardeners will be required to maintain a “secure and video monitored outdoor facility of approximately 12 acres for growing and processing cannabis,” and an “indoor growing facility for the purpose of growing, propagating, and sustaining cannabis plants under controlled conditions.”

Shirley Simson, a representative for NIDA, recently told Time Magazine that the agency has decided to accept proposals from pot growers because the cultivation contract they signed in 2009 is set to expire. The agency plans to award the winning grower(s) with a one-year contract that can be optioned for up to four years, according to the release.

Pot growers interested in putting their talents to work for Uncle Sam, even though that hypocritical bastard still considers marijuana a dangerous drug with no medicinal value, can email Andrew Hotaling with the Federal Contracting Office: hotalingar@mail.nih.gov.