Inmate Craps Out Drugs, Informs Guards That He Just Dropped an Eight Ball

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We’ve heard of dropping a deuce, but never an 8-ball.

According to a somewhat disturbing report from the folks at MassLive, a Massachusetts man on a pesky jailhouse siesta at the Hampshire County Jail and House of Correction was caught earlier this month with a cornucopia of dope stashed in his guts.

It seems that either an inmate or an informant on the outside told police that 36-year-old Michael D. Olmstead, who was doing time for a parole violation, was sitting on a hefty stash of controlled substances. When prison guards showed up to search his cell, they quickly realized that the tip was meant to be quite literal, as they discovered “plastic cellophane” containing heroin, crack and even a nice supply of Klonopins dangling out of his ass.

Interestingly, the rat-faced snitch apparently told police that there were more feel good substances lingering around in Olmstead’s large intestine than what they had initially found.

So, to ensure they confiscated every last ounce of the remaining narcotics, the prison put Olmstead on “constant surveillance,” which means that guards had to take turns watching for additional bags of dope to come shooting out of his ass.

Now, while being eyeballed in the bathroom has a tendency to really bind up the natural flow of the average citizen, any person who has spent more than a week or two behind bars typically has no problem with the concept of taking a dump on command.

So, as soon as Olmstead’s stomach started to churn, officers surrounded him while he pushed and grunted his way into a number of drug charges. The report indicates that once the toilet water made a significant splashing sound, Olstead told the officers, “That must be the 8-ball,” signaling that he had finally evacuated the last of his dingle berry dope store.

Olmstead is now facing several charges of drug possession, not to mention a charge for conspiring to violate drug laws and delivering drugs to a prisoner. He is set to go before a judge in August.

Incidentally, rumor has it that all of the inmates that had a chance to sample Olmstead’s asshole apothecary said his drugs were the shit.

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