When it comes to the savage psychosis of the drug-addicted mind, there is nothing standing in the way of an addict getting their hands on their drug of choice. Just ask old Jim down at the U-Pawn-It in Anytown, USA. He’ll tell you that his business has nothing to do selling hipsters vintage guitars and barber gear. It’s really all about putting a few bucks into the pockets of twitchy derelicts to keep just enough dope in their systems to prevent them from burning the city to the ground. It is for this reason that one Kansas police force is urging residents not to warm up their vehicles this winter before heading out to their respective destinations. Because if they do, their rides might just end up getting traded for “fentanyl lollipops.”
A Warning From The Police
Please see the attached pledge form before winter arrives later this week. Otherwise you'll probably get your car stolen. pic.twitter.com/D776KWxP6k
— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) December 4, 2017
Recently, the Lawrence Police Department took to its Twitter account to warn local residents about the possibility of their vehicles being stolen and exchanged for illegal drugs. The post, which was intended in good humor, included a pledge form asking car owners to dedicate themselves this year to simply scraping off their icy windshields and dealing with the winter chill, rather than risk putting their wheels in the hands of junkies with sticky fingers.
“I pledge to not leave my car running with the keys in the ignition just because I’m afraid of being a little cold for the first 3 minutes of my drive to work/school, or because I am too lazy to scrape the windows. I realize that breaking this pledge will undoubtedly result in my car being stolen by some jackwagon who will trade it for a fentanyl lollipop.”
In more than 30 states all across the nation, the whole “car warming” practice is illegal. In Kansas, leaving a car running unattended in the driveway is a citable offense in certain cities, including Lawrence. The only exception is when the vehicle is equipped with an automatic starter. Strangely, this only applies if the keys are not in the ignition.
There are nearly 7,000 auto thefts each year in Kansas. The majority of the vehicles snatched up are extremely common models. Thieves seem to be partial to the Honda Accord, full-size Chevy pick-ups, and Ford trucks, according to the latest data from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.
Final Hit: Police Say Stolen Cars Are Traded For Fentanyl Lollipops
The Lawrence Police Department later took some heat due to their post. The internet trolls came out in full swing to chastise the force for suggesting that everyone who uses fentanyl lollipops was a car thief. Fentanyl lollipops, which were invented by a man named Ted Stanley, were designed to be a more palatable method of consumption for cancer patients. This form of the drug, considered a breakthrough in the medical community, has reportedly been a hot target in pharmacy robberies.
Officials with the Lawrence Police attempted to clear up the confusion surrounding this matter with another Twitter post, offering an apology to anyone who was offended.
“It’s about people who thieve to sustain a drug habit, not people with legitimate medical needs. Sorry for not being clearer and for unintentionally offending,” the force said.
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