It’s actually considered high treason for me to abstain from cracking one of those “In Soviet Russia” jokes, but I shall resist in the name of not drawing attention away from the Ukrainian war effort. That said, they really do advertise this service as therapy.
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While the rest of us namby-pamby Americans pay $80 an hour to our psychiatrists or eating mushrooms to deal with our problems, the Russians have developed a much more direct approach: live burial.
A company in St. Petersburg Russia called Prekated Academy offers the chance to fake your own death, stage a funeral for yourself, and begin life anew—all you have to do is pay one low price of 3,545,000 Russian Rubles, or $57,455 USD.
The following was (loosely) translated from an Instagram post:
“If:
Do not be horrified at the thought of death, but see in it a chance for deliverance – make a knight move, bury yourself!”
I really did try to get ahold of someone with this company but I did not manage to because of the basic limitations that exist when trying to contact people in a different part of the world. However, this does appear to be a real service that you can pay for. Whether or not anyone has utilized it without getting ripped off, I cannot say because those people would likely be listed as dead. I must say though, it does seem inherently funny to advertise a $57k service to people in a financial hole.
“I will give you the opportunity to say goodbye to a low standard of living, irrevocably burn bridges to the dreary past, rethink life and come to personal success without mistakes,” the post said. “You will not only revive faith in yourself and in a happy future, but also regain a great mission, potential and love for life in all its diversity.”
The majority of the rest of the company’s other Instagram posts that I translated all appeared to be dedicated to business marketing strategies or secondhand success stories about people who had utilized the fake-your-own-death service and gone on to make lots of money.
However, one key post which immediately followed the original post offering the live burial services, reassured any skeptics that might be worried about guarantees of their own personal safety when paying such an exorbitant cost.
“We do not intend to expose our clients to undue risk,” the post said. “Scientists have calculated that the buried person will have enough air in the coffin for about 5.5 hours. So, even if your life is totally fucked up, it won’t take you more than 60 minutes to resurrect.”
Diligent little journalist that I am, I looked it up and around five hours is how long you could hope to survive depending on how big the coffin was, according to this website. The next obvious question the post decided to answer was what the company’s protocol would be should a client wish to stay in the coffin.
“Euthanasia is illegal in our country, so we will rescue you whether you choose to stay fucked or reborn,” the post said. “However, one country has now introduced a quota for euthanasia and actively promotes this service, even as a measure for depression. Google it at your leisure.”
It would appear that the service is available all over the world but for the full shebang you have to go to St. Petersburg.
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