6 Tips on How to Get Along With Your Non-Stoner College Roommate

Many college students smoke weed to relax and alleviate the stress of campus life. Others eschew the healing herb and choose booze to unwind. What to do if you arrive in your new dorm room only to discover that your assigned roommate doesn’t smoke? Don’t despair. Here are 6 tips on how to be a good roommate while staying true to your pot principles.

1. Tidiness

The key to being a good roommate is to be neat. Clean up after yourself. Don’t leave roaches in the ashtray, mop up spilled bongwater and Cheeto crumbs, put your dab rig back on the shelf and the torch in a drawer when you’re done. And make your fucking bed. Jesus.

2. Share Space

Don’t hog the fridge. Only take half, and replace anything you eat that’s not yours. Better yet, don’t take anything that’s not yours. Munchies are powerful but diplomacy dictates not eating someone else’s cheesecake (because maybe her mom made it and then you are in deep shit).

3. Be Discreet

Blaze while your roomie is out. Use a one-hitter to cut down on smoke: Exhale into a balloon, take the balloon with you and pop it when you get outside. Or create a vent with a length of PVC pipe—hold your joint in the near end of the tube, stick the other end out the window; inhale from and exhale into the pipe.

4. Be Good at Being High

Don’t be a party animal in your room. If you feel the need to get really ripped, set yourself up for success: Have a dope album or movie at the ready with headphones, and plenty of snacks within reach. Create a little stoner cocoon for yourself. If you can’t handle being really high, then do not get really high.

5. Represent

Your roommate’s impression of you will color her judgment of stoners everywhere. If you are easygoing, friendly, tidy, and mellow, you’ll exemplify the perfect pot smoker. If you are sullen, withdrawn, moody and mean, she will think weed smokers are assholes. Don’t be an asshole.

6. Don’t Judge

Even though your roomie may not be your kind of person, remember that he may have his reasons for not smoking. Maybe he’s on parole! (Check his ankle out for a tracking bracelet.) If, while you’re enjoying your recreational marijuana, you’re not dismissive of him, but instead are kind and considerate, you may even pique his interest. The next thing you know, he’ll be asking you for a hit. And then you have a whole other problem on your hands: You’re going to have to tell him to get his own weed.
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