7 Awkward Moments With Your New Dealer

Everyone has been there. Your tried-and-true dealer moves (gets busted, gets married, has a baby, goes to college) and you are SOL on the couch with no green. What to do? Get hooked up with a new dealer of course! But then this happens:

1. You wonder if he remembers your name or if it annoys him when you say, “Hey its Bob Smith again, I picked up last Thursday with John?”

“You know, that guy that you met once last week (reallydudeI’mnotacop).”

2. You struggle to find out if they’re one of those people who is chronically late, or if you’re being stood up.

“Is he/she coming? They’re not coming! I’ll never be stoned again.”

3. That awkward first smoke together when you find out they’re a silent stoner and your endless babbling about your theory on the universe isn’t appreciated.

“But you don’t really disappear, it’s just that they can’t see you because the gamma rays are blocking…..hello?”

4. Baller dealer does not carry bills less than 50s, and all you have are 50s. I guess we can break the bill over at that hot dog stand? Is that weird? Want a hot dog?

“Ima gonna get mine with extra onions.”

5. Possible accidental flirting. Is this professional or uncomfortable? I swear I didn’t mean to touch your hand like that just now…unless you liked it and/or are single. In that case…

“Hello gorgeous!”

6. Instant judgment. Is this guy sketchy? Is it just me? Am I a terrible person? Am I being ripped off? Nah, I’m no fool. Am I?

“Soooo, where are you from?”

7. That new routine…the one where they wordlessly hop into your car at the corner by Dunkin Donuts at exactly 7:35pm. Car jacking? No it’s cool. You hand them the cash and they hand you their best strain because y’all are  homies now.

“Wanna go to IHop?”