Everyone out there is looking for love. Now I’m aware of these websites that hook up stoners based on our love of the leaf, but the truth of the matter is that they’re just not necessary. A lot of you single cats out there have y’all heads so up in the “clouds” that you don’t even notice that your “best friend” is throwing you all kinds of signals letting you know the right person is there for the taking and you’re going to miss out on the perfect day to get your swerve on.
Now, I’m not judging anyone, being that I too am sometimes oblivious to a woman’s signals. But I have an excuse: Bell Biv Devoe. They told me to never trust a big butt and a smile, so I don’t trust a big butt and a smile. (I kind of trust big boobs and a smirk, though.) I’ll admit to that. But don’t be like me and let your trust issues dismiss the countless signals someone may be throwing your way. Whether they invite you out for a cup of coffee or ask you your shoe size, there are literally hundreds of ways people subtlety let you know they’re fiendin’ for you. Whether or not they’ll love you for life is a whole other story, but in the meantime: here are some signs that a fellow stoner will put on display to let you know you’ve caught their eye.
1. They Ask For Your Assistance in Giving Them Shotguns
This is the ultimate “I like you” in a stoner circle. Real talk, I only ask thee cutest girls in my cipher to give me shotguns… but that’s just me. I casts out wide nets in hopes of reeling in some cuddle fish. Now, shotguns in and of themselves are all good and fun, but most people don’t want some funky little Mo all up in their grill even if they are blowing some of that good earth essence into your soul. So, best believe, if someone specifically requests for your assistance in blowing some smoke into their face on the regular, there’s a good chance they’ll be down to do all kinds of other things with their face with you. Just sayin’.
2. They Share Their Munchies With You
Like Joey Tribbiani of Friends fame once said, “I DON’T SHARE FOOD!” And that’s true of most people. A lot of folks won’t share food when they’re in a sober state of mind, so imagine how gluttonous they’ll be with their nourishment when their hunger is raging thanks to the potent effect that THC wreaks on their appetite. Asking them for a nibble while they’re toasted and in munchie mode is just asking to get your feelings hurt as if you’re at a Roast. But should they up and offer to share their post-ganja grub with you, there’s a good chance you are the dessert they starve for.
3. They Always Ask You to Roll Up & Spark It
Even if you’re a known roller of broken deer legs, if someone’s given you the buffalo eye, then they’re constantly asking you to roll up and spark up their piff. Regardless of the objections that people in a cipher might have, they will be overruled. Could it be said, that the wooer finds comfort in knowing that the blunt is riddled with your DNA, hence, they’re inhaling a little bit of your every time they steam? Maybe. Either way, this is a good sign that they are willing to tolerate your imperfections so long as they get to be one with you.
4. They Spark You Up For Free
You want in, then you have to chip in. Them been the rules since Native Americans were burning enough trees in peace pipes to make Smokey The Bear shed a tear. Unless, of course, someone has a crush on you. If that’s the case, then your money is no good to them because your presence alone is just that priceless. But, be aware that even though you get the best of them and you get your mind blown for free, sooner or later, they are expecting to take that tab out on your ass if you giving it up a la Jadakiss.
5. They Pass The Blunt To You First
It doesn’t matter if Biggie, Tupac and Bob Marley came back to life just to smoke a blunt with y’all, if you give somebody the butterflies then that person is passing you the blunt first right after sparking up. Even if it means they have to get up to walk a few feet and past a few people to make their way to you, then they’re going to do it. There was one shorty I would always do this for, and every time I did it, this joint would play in my head because aside from this being a proclamation of my affection for her, it always happened in slow motion. And I’m a hip-hop head—so if anything, “All I Need” should’ve been bumping in my dome! So imagine how huge a crush I had on her.
6. They Ask Your Opinion About The Weed
No one’s opinion matters more than yours. Regardless if you’re smoking for free while everyone else chipped in a few dollars, what you say about your satisfaction with the product is as important to the crusher as the compliment a chef receives for the cuisine he presents. They could care less if everyone else sings the praises of what they just burned in that paper, if you say anything along the lines of, “it was okay,” or “I’ve had better,” that will absolutely deflate said crusher and ultimately get him all shoe-gazer. And no one likes to have a down-head shoe-gazer while flying high. But that could work to your advantage, as…
7. They Save The Goods For You
This is the equivalent to a romantic dinner for two. They’ll share the junk greens and fast fix off the dollar menu with the rest of the group. But when the scary kids go home and it’s just the two of you, they’ll treat you to a little something special because they want to make sure they bless you with something to make those rainbows in your mind and keep you thinking about them. Savor those moments, because if y’all end up dating then they’ll be keeping those special off menu items for themselves after a few months of fornication.