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High Horoscopes | Sept. 22, 2016

Aelie Câlin

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The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!

Ask Aelie anything! Find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Aries

Skip the line, jump the fence, sneak in the back; whatever it takes to be first. You have a healthy competitive streak that usually knows its place, surfacing when playing ping pong against a cocky boyfriend but not when peek-a-booing with a toddler. This week however, you have to turn that shit up to 11. Fair play is cool for school but you are on hyperdrive right now. There are no stop signs, no one will hand you off a Dixie cup of water, it’s full blast until the climax and you need all your mad skillz and wild kick-assery to get there. Take no prisoners and regret nothing. Strain recommendation: Tangie

Taurus

Sometime you exude a special kind of passion that makes things happen, that can change your little corner of the world and inspire others to do the same. After a hiatus where you lost some chutzpah, your flame has returned, burning bright, ready to ignite all who come near to activate and participate. What cloudy sky will you brighten first? Who will benefit from your glow? These details will work themselves out: your main priority now is to stoke the flame, keep the tinder ready, and turn that campfire into a bonfire! Strain recommendation: Grapefruit

Gemini

Do you have a favorite? Some people can instantly name their favorite movie, colour, or food, while others have no clue. The latter, when forced to pick, will end up with a top 50 list instead. The focus and self confidence that comes with a firm belief is comforting and empowering but not being able to choose could be a sign of someone whose deep appreciation of all of the beauty and magic on offer would make selecting just one impossible. Are you a comfort seeker or a lover of a little something in everything? Have you ever tried seeing life from the other side? I’d suggest a personal experiment this week, switch teams. At the end you might find a little of the boldness or aesthetic appreciation you’ve been lacking. Strain recommendation: Chiesel

Cancer

Quitting something addictive is often more complex than expected. There are the obvious physical withdrawal symptoms to contend with but the mental and emotional trickery can be the real bear to deal with, especially if you go cold turkey. All these bears and turkeys stressing you out, can’t a girl catch a break? No, I’m afraid you can’t. You can only choose to succeed, or not. Half measures don’t function in this world of white knuckles. Stop looking for a replacement or a way to smooth the edges, one doesn’t exist. All you can do is fall back into it, temporarily weakened but ultimately stronger. Strain recommendation: Skunk No.1

Leo

This week I managed to unintentionally offend the same lovely person in three different ways. She was gracious about it and I apologized profusely, we laughed it off but I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with me. Then I saw three instances in one evening of someone popping up at the exact moment their name was spoken. What does this mean? The only common threads I could surmise was something unintentionally occurring three times, spoken words and the presence of that lovely woman. I could crack my brain open and dig around until I find a connection or I can giggle at the oddness of the universe and embrace the idea that as long as I am a corporeal being I won’t likely understand most of it. Be the giggler this week; enjoy the randomness even if you sense a pattern beneath it all. Strain recommendation: Cookies and Cream

Virgo

A late-night commercial for emergency rations can make you question the safety of the world around you. Videos of interspecies animals befriending each other can quickly soothe our fears. Our emotions are like bits of street garbage blowing in the electronic wind. The influence of TV, web, films, books and games, is so great because we need stories to teach us how to feel. It has been this way for between 10 and 60 thousand years, depending on when you believe language was created. Storytelling is unique to our species. If you summon your yarn spinnin’ skills this week you will be able to move the hearts of all you come upon. Those pieces of emotional floating debris can be like the elegant plastic bag in American Beauty, dancing in the breeze like a poem, bringing tears to the eyes of the beholder. It’s all down to you so speak wisely. Strain recommendation: Shark Shock

Libra

Would you rather be told this week that your lucky number is 7, you share a spirit with the common house cat, the colour silver should be worn every day, that difficult family issues will soon arise or that you alone direct your life? I’m afraid neither are completely true; you are neither fated, nor do you enjoy complete free will. It’s usually a hodgepodge, a little bit of everything thrown in, and you never know which is which. Until now. This week you will be blessed with the insight to sense if something will/should happen or if it simply can/might. What will you do with your newfound power? Strain recommendation: Cherry Bomb

Scorpio

You got what you needed, you moved on but you still want what you had before. Sure, the circumstances have changed, but not all of the folks who helped you get where you are will be happy to see you go backwards. If you return to what you knew, make sure that what changed will continue to progress as it did in your absence. As for the doubters, they are allowed their wariness but if it interferes with your choices then it’s not helpful. Figuring out how to make a healthy choice is a critical part of the process. Strain recommendation: Sugar Black Rose

Sagittarius

A Sagittarius moves through the world with swagger, it’s undeniable. Even a trip and fall is done with a funky kind of cool. It’s no show, their vibe is deep and earned. So when they feel flat and low it can be especially disconcerting to witness. Depression affects us all differently but when it hits y’all the rest of us can’t bear to watch. It’s like when the Fonz thought he was losing his cool and then sat around in PJs on the Cunningham’s couch; it was just so, so, so sad. If you know a Sag that is blue, remind them that their funk is innate and can’t be lost, all they need is the little Dumbo feather we call confidence to fly again. Strain recommendation: Jack Frost

Capricorn

It’s been a year of work, internally and externally, to get to this point; the research, the debates, creative outpouring, crafting, analysis, more debates, fine tuning, summoning the courage, keeping the faith… and you came to this. And it was beautiful, invigorating and fulfilling. What an unusual feeling—this thing they call satisfaction. What does a Capricorn do when they feel pleased with themselves? Instantly worry about Hubris. You are not in a Greek tragedy! Let yourself be proud of your accomplishments. Soon enough you’ll be right back to beating yourself up. Get some happy while you can and try to make a habit of it. Strain recommendation: Snowcap

Aquarius

Frustrations at work are so frequent that you can’t even remember why you were so mad at that one goddamned guy anymore. You know he did something last week that bugged the crap out of you but there have been so many other petty annoyances since, that it’s all a blur. And this isn’t even surprising to you. Watching you hamster wheel your anger is upsetting, which is why you share it with so few people. You know that your confidants are losing patience with you though. They don’t understanding why you lack the will to fix your problems. Do you know why? That seems to be the bigger problem here, the grievances are just symptoms. Strain recommendation: Super Sour Diesel

Pisces

Every time you get behind a new life plan it gives you the hope and energy of a thousand suns. This is why you have so many of them, and why when one burns out a bit you move on to another which such speed and vigour. Behind you is a long trail of cold stars, wondering why they never had a chance to fully shine. The most healing thing you can allow right now is an unsure future met with calm and grace. Don’t confuse relaxation with a plan to relax, just be ok with not knowing. And don’t confuse not having a plan with being ambitionless. Having no will or goal is death for you. Desire is not the same thing as having an objective. This is advice to progress into the dark universe with eyes open. Strain recommendation: MK Ultra

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