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How Pee-Wee Herman & Captain Kirk Are Linked to Pot Smuggling

California drug smugglers are reportedly shipping pot across the United States to fictional characters associated with “Star Trek” and “Pee-Wee Herman,” which has federal agents on a big adventure to find the weed’s final frontier.

According to a report from The Smoking Gun, someone dropped off four packages to a Sacramento area Office Depot last week and spent nearly $230 to ship them all to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Although none of the staff suspected anything unusual at the time, all of that changed when several employees began to smell “the strong odor of marijuana” permeating from each of the 18-pound boxes.

Unfortunately, instead of just laying claims to the weed, which due to the illegal nature of the shipment would not have provoked any suspicion from the sender, the employees decided to call the police.

When drug agents arrived, they seized four boxes, each containing eight pounds of marijuana packed in DeWalt toolboxes, and then proceeded to track down the cannabis-shipping culprit. Two of the packages were addressed to “Francis Buxton,” an identity that drug agents were unable to track down because apparently there is no one in Pennsylvania with such a name.

Come to find out “Francis Buxton” is not a real person at all, but rather Pee-Wee Herman’s arch enemy from the 1985 film “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.” You might remember him as the wretched, oversized rich kid with entitlement issues who hires someone to steal Pee-Wee’s bike.

Meanwhile, highly trained federal agents also learned that the addressee of the other two packages, “Cyrano Jones,” has Hollywood roots, as well. It seems the name comes from the hit television series Star Trek, in which “Jones” is a pesky merchant that comes aboard the USS Enterprise, and introduces them to furry creatures known as “tribbles.”

So far, federal law enforcement officials do not have any suspects in custody, but they are asking for anyone with information to call their office — you can tell ‘em that “Large Marge sent ya!”


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Mike Adams
Written By

Mike Adams is a High Times Staff writer hailing from the darkest depths of the Armpit of America—Southern Indiana.

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