From the September, 1986 issue of High Times comes a two-page missive written by the hand of Eric Bogosian while he was in the midst of a revelatory acid trip. In honor of Bogosian’s birthday on April 24, we’re republishing it below.
Today I began to understand one of the immutable unchanging truths with regard to my own existence. Today I discovered that I am not a being surrounded by walls and barriers, but part of a continuum endless with all things, those living and even those inanimate. I feel a new surge for life for living now, for becoming part of everything around me!
I want to change the world and I know I kin do it!!!
I’m like a new born baby taking his first steps. I was blind before to my inner-self, my true desires my own special powers to the universe itself.
So many people live lives of pointless desperation, unable to appreciate that life is to be lived for today, in every flower, every cloud, in a [sensuous lips] smile.
I also realized today that Linda and I have to break up. I realize now that her lack of imagination has been holding me back. She’s been trying to mold me into someone I will never be. She’s too sombre too materialistic, too straight. She thinks that life must be lived in the straight and narrow, but she’s wrong, and I learned that today.
I learned that life is an adventure for people with courage. I guess I should back up for a minute here… I don’t really know where to start…
I guess everything began when I dropped that acid Mike gave me for my birthday. When I got off, I decided to take a bath and I was watching the H20 H20 H20 water… just thinking about how beautiful it looked, how I’ve never really noticed how beautiful bathwater looked before… when out of nowhere I heard this incredible music—like chimes.
Eventually, I realized it was the front doorbell and I thought: “I better go answer it, you never know.” I stood up and realized I was wet and naked… And then I thought so what? What difference does it make really in the grand scheme of things?
So I went to the door and it was this girl from down the street, who I never met before. I invited her in, and this is the really strange part. She came in. So we were in my parents’ living-room and I’m naked and she is beautiful. So I make some tea. It took around an hour to do it. Then we just sat and talked about everything and I realized that I have this incredible power over people. Almost messianic.
She sat there and listened with these big beautiful open eyes. And then I kissed her and we were kissing kissing and I had this erection and she looked at it and suddenly she said she had to leave and I said why?
And then we met each other’s eyes for a long looooong timmme and she said she realized I was a very special person and she didn’t want to ruin a special moment with something as common as sex. And I understood deep down what she meant. We were connecting in a much deeper way. I understood it was all too much for right now. And she left.
I started to think that I must be the kind of man women find irresistible, that I have special powers others do not have, and that I can’t waste them. I can’t let myself be hindered. I must connect with everything in this world that wants me. So after she left, I just lay on the floor, naked, tripping and I could feel the power moving through me, as if the whole world lay under me, just to hold me up. I was literally on top of the world, I felt like God.
That was around five hours ago and I’m pretty straight now. After I write this down, I’m calling Linda and telling her it’s over between us. Then I’m going to wait for my parents to come home and tell them I’m dropping out of B.U. There’s really no point to a liberal arts degree now with all the potential that is within me. I’ve decided to take my savings ($300) and move to Portland, Oregon for a while. I think that will be a good place to begin.
The Note That Eric Bogosian Wrote
© Eric Bogosian