A nude man high on LSD, cocaine and more was arrested Sunday after being rescued from a 30-foot pit at the construction site of the Buffalo Bills’ new football stadium, relatively unharmed but covered in human fecal matter from a nearby porta-potty.
Originally reported by WIVB-4, deputies with the Erie County Sheriff’s Office mercifully withheld the identity of the 29-year-old man who was transported to Buffalo General Hospital for evaluation of a few minor injuries before being charged with criminal trespassing. Authorities said the man scaled a very large fence after leaving the porta-potty to access the construction site and fell into the pit when police approached him. Sheriff Garcia reportedly told Buffalo News that as the man was laying in the pit awaiting rescue, he gave them a peace sign with one hand and an obscene gesture with the other.
“He scaled that fence right up, [jumped] over the other side and next thing you know, he’s running toward the pit,” said Erie County Sheriff John Garcia. “By the time ECC security got behind him now this individual is falling, tumbling down into the pit. It happened so quickly, it’s a large site. You can’t have people every six feet.”
Authorities said the man told them he had consumed LSD, cocaine, alcohol and marijuana before this sequence of events began. The Sheriff’s Office assured the public there was no cause for alarm. Just as lightning does not strike twice in the same place, people don’t take acid and fall down the same hole twice (there’s a joke here about rabbit holes but I will abstain from making one as it would detract from the grave seriousness of this whole ordeal).
“When you’re taking LSD, cocaine and marijuana, you’re going to not read the signs. You’re not going to read anything,” said Sheriff Garcia. “You wouldn’t be in a porta potty jumping inside it, [covering] yourself with human excrement, you wouldn’t be doing that. This is a very isolated issue.”
Oddly enough, the big giant hole in the ground made headlines that very day, shortly before the naked man met his fateful fall. The Buffalo News ran a story called “’Big hole in the ground’ slows trip, but nothing stops Bills fans from getting to game,” detailing how construction on the new $1.4 billion Buffalo Bills stadium had left a big giant hole in the ground in Orchard Park across from the current stadium on Abbott Road. Apparently, the hole and the enormous pile of earth and gravel sitting next to the hole have been creating traffic jams of an hour or more for Bills fans trying to get to the stadium.
“Everybody is talking about the big hole in the ground,” WGR host Jeremy White said.
“Which is a big, giant hole,” added co-host Nate Geary.
Sheriff Garcia spoke very highly of the rest of the hundreds of Buffalo Bills fans who managed to make it through Sunday without any other major incidents, calling it the “best behaved crowd that we’ve seen since our administration has been in place.”
“Nobody else was injured, nobody else made it on to this site,” Sheriff Garcia said. “We always try to stay four, five plays ahead because our job is to try to prevent incidents like that to occur but when someone takes LSD, cocaine and marijuana and they’re drinking, from running into traffic to scaling a 10 foot fence, we can’t prevent everything.”
According to the WIVB-4 article, only one other arrest was made that day of a football fan attempting to start a fight and eight other fans were ejected from the stadium. The man who fell into the pit was ultimately released on an appearance ticket after being charged, and not for nothing, but the Buffalo Bills shut out the Las Vegas Raiders 38-10 that day. Unfortunately, the naked psychedelic shit-covered football fan never made it to the game, as he was arrested just 40 minutes before kickoff.